Sunday, July 5, 2009

"Masters of Horror": Sick Girl (2006)

Out of all of the first season MOH episodes this was the one (besides the unaired Takashi Miike episode) that I had the highest hopes for, but in traditional MOH fashion I was disappointed yet again. You'd think somebody would at least accidentally make a good episode.

Angela Bettis, giving a performance so stiff it's painful to watch (think the robot from "Small Wonder" with the voice of Ted Levine), is Ida, an entomologist, who receives a strange insect in the mail. Unknowing to her the insect bites her girlfriend's ear causing it to swell up super fugly and squirt puss. Ida never notices this mutation, even after days of off screen lovemaking...what I just described took 40 minutes of screen time. No bullshit.

The last 20 minutes isn't much better as [SPOILERS!!!] Ida discovers that her hot girlfriend has been taken over by the insect and has murdered the landlady. The hot girlfriend then kills a friend of Ida's and the bug sticks his icky thing in Ida's ear. How exciting. [END OF SPOILERS]

Here are just a few of my problems with this story: Why waste so much time with Ida and her hot girlfriend hooking up? Instead just have them together from the beginning. Why make such a huge deal out of them being lesbians? Nobody cares. Why waste time with the pointless revenge subplot? Again, nobody cares. Ida doesn't notice her hot girlfriend shooting pus out of her ear? Most people would notice that. Do entomologists really have bugs crawling out of their clothes at all times? Also the body count for the entire episode was only two! Rent if you must, but you'd be better off skipping it.

Also does the director of one movie (MAY) become a "Master of Horror"?