Friday, July 2, 2010

DEATH SPA (1988)

So you got this super fancy gym where all the machines and cardio equipment is controlled by a master computer. That sounds like a shitty idea for a gym, especially when the owner's dead wife's ghost starts haunting the place and doing shit like loosening the screws on the diving board or upping the resistance on the butterfly machine so high it rips a guy's chest open (hint: let go!). But don't worry too much cause if the shower starts spitting out boiling water and the tiles on the walls fly off, cutting you up the manager will compensate you by giving you 3 months free! LOL.

DEATH SPA is fun, but it wasn't as cheesy as I had hoped. Did the filmmakers not look at their own fucking cover art? Cause, I think, they were trying to make a serious movie! When somebody rents a movie called DEATH SPA they're not looking for a story, they're looking for cheap thrills, tits and gore. Oh well. Personally I would have preferred a serial killer slasher over the supernatural villain. Think Jason from FRIDAY THE 13TH: PART VI killing people in a gym the size of a shopping mall. Bad ass!

If you like cheesy 80's horror movies then you'll get a kick out of DEATH SPA. What it lacks in high quality tit shots and buckets of gore it makes up for in 80's fashions and silly dialogue. My favorite: when an attractive chick flirts with a guy, he turns her down cold and says "Besides, I'm Beta and you're VHS." What?!