Monday, August 30, 2010

TWO-LANE BLACKTOP (1971)

Two young dudes (one a driver, the other a mechanic) are driving aimlessly all over the country looking for cars to race for a quick buck. One day a young girl climbs into their car and they just drive off without a word. Later at a gas station they start talking to a dude about racing.  They decide to drive across country to Washington D.C. for their pink slips. They take off, but soon the race is forgotten and the rest of the movie is just these people driving around and around. The End.

If you're looking for a race movie (like I was) then you're going to be disappointed, but despite that I still kinda liked this movie a little, but I'm not sure why. There was just something about the feel of the movie that I found appealing. I especially liked the surrealism of the final scene.

After watching the film I read a few articles/reviews and I think the quote that sums the film up best is "a fascinatingly bleak and oblique road movie that perfectly nails the bummed-out malaise of the early 70s"...a.k.a. post-EASY RIDER bullshit where the confused studios were looking for a quick buck.  If that sounds exciting to you then check it out. Or if you're you're actually looking for some 70's hot rodding in your 70's hot rod movie then watch DIRTY MARY CRAZY LARRY instead.

THE LAST SHARK (1981)

A huge shark starts attacking people in the waters surrounding a small coastal city.  And to make matter even worse...it's right before their big windsurfing competition!!!  People get eaten and lots of stock footage of clearly different types of sharks is shown until finally the townsfolk have had enough and decide to kill the beast.  A guy with a helicopter goes out to catch the shark (he doesn't, but the shark does end up catching him!); some divers confront the shark with dynamite, but the shark chases him into a cave and then smashes the rocks until it closes up the entrance (wow!); a group of teenagers go hunting for the shark with a shotgun and one of 'em comes back minus a leg (that scene was awesome); an overzealous TV reporter chains a giant hunk of meat to a dock and the dock gets pulled out to sea along with a bunch of people on it (what the hell?) and in maybe my favorite scene: the shark hits a small boat and the dude standing in the boat goes flying straight up into the air!  It was hilarious.

Yeah, this is a JAWS (and JAWS 2) ripoff, but in the right state of mind it's very funny.  I don't understand why Steven Spielberg had to be a sore sport and sue the makers of this film. Yes, it has a lot of similarities to the first two JAWS films, but the movie is so goddamn shitty that now all I want to do is watch JAWS again just to see a good shark movie!

Zero nudity, mediocre acting, terrible music, shitty looking shark, lots of stock footage, American flags everywhere (that'd actually make a good drinking game), fake looking helicopter crash...THE LAST SHARK is a turd, but it makes up for it in laughs.

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

LATE BLOOMER (2004)

A physically handicapped serial killer with massive blue balls is a great idea for a movie (in fact one of the best horror films I've ever seen was an 8-minute short film about a completely physically handicapped man with massive blue balls who goes on a frenzied killing spree...but I forgot the name of the film and I've never been able to find a copy. Does anybody know the name of the film?), but the script for LATE BLOOMER doesn't hold up for the full 83 minutes. Not even close. Trim off 45 minutes and you might have something.

Sumida is physically handicapped as fuck, but he seems to be completely mentally aware and can get around pretty good when it comes to walking. He has two caregivers that help him and one, an older lady, has a cute niece who wants to visit Sumida for a few weeks so she can write a college paper on caring for the handicapped. She comes over an Sumida is smitten with her almost a quickly as she's smitten with Sumida's other caregiver: a handsome singer for a rock band. Sumida is too innocent to even notice this at first, but once he does he goes bonkers and...well, you'll just have to see for yourself, but I don't really recommend that you do cause the shit is too long-winded and boring. Worst of all when it finally gets to the ending it's a complete letdown.

Kudos for the interesting idea and actually casting physically handicapped people in the film, but there's way too much filler.

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

MATINEE (1993)

Set in Key West, FL during the Cuban Missile Crisis and the main character is a boy who loves watching monster movies at the local theater. Right at the height of the Crisis a new movie opens, MANT! It's about a radioactive accident that turns a guy into a half-man/half-ant creature. Even better yet is the director of the film (John Goodman channeling William Castle) is appearing in person and he's rigged the theater full of surprises like electric shock seats, giant speakers, air cannons shooting shit all over the joint and a guy in a ant suit running around scaring kids!

Beyond the storyline of the movie premiere is some coming of age stuff that I really enjoyed, like him getting a girlfriend; the theater owner's bomb shelter; bomb drills at school and his best friend dating a chick with a crazy ex-boyfriend who likes to yell out bad poetry while attacking people.

MATINEE director Joe Dante made a few of my favorite films like GREMLINS and ROCK N' ROLL HIGH SCHOOL but after he made MATINEE in 1993 he really hasn't made much of anything. Sad. It's strange how people in the film industry can just disappear. Maybe he should make a GREMLINS 3.

I wasn't alive or even close to being alive back in the early 60's/ late 50's, but I love the romanticized idea of a simpler era where people were innocent...yes, I know that it's a complete lie made up by Hollywood, but still it's a pleasant thing to dream about. If you like the idea also or you just like a good movie then you should check out MATINEE...and if you're feeling extra frisky then you should also read Robert McCammon's "Boy's Life".
Naomi Watts