Monday, March 29, 2010

KISS MEETS THE PHANTOM OF THE PARK (1978)

Where to even start with this one? Well, the picture on the DVD I watched looked like deep fried monkey shit, but even if this sucker was on the world's greatest Blu-Ray it wouldn't have helped. First off it was made for TV and produced by Hanna-Barbera. WTF? I thought Kiss was suppose to be all about fucking and drugs and vomit eating and worshiping Satan or something. Hell, I don't know, I don't listen to Kiss, but I thought they were suppose to be evil. The Gene Simmons character is called The Demon for Satan's sake!

Anyway, so there's an evil scientist living under an amusement park and he likes to turn humans into zombies. Kiss shows up to play some concerts, but somehow get mixed up with fighting the scientist. It's stupid. The story is below Scooby-Doo standards and it's 96 minutes long! Complete torture.

Maybe it's good for a laugh just because of the cheese factor and Gene Simmons walks around the entire movie like he's trying to clinch in a huge turd, but I can't recommend this for any reason. Avoid at all costs.

RIOT IN CELL BLOCK 11 (1954)

Just a year after STALAG 17 Neville Brand finds himself back in prison. This time he's in a large state prison and he's had enough of the overcrowding, bad food and the abusive guards so he leads a riot and ends up capturing nine guards. He and his fellow convicts threaten to kill the guards unless some of their demands are met. Lots of tense situations and violence follows.

For 1954 this movie was pretty hard-hitting and violent and even had one direct reference to male-on-male prison rape! Director Don Siegel also helmed one of my personal great PRIVATE HELL 36 and later went on to make ESCAPE FROM ALCATRAZ and DIRTY HARRY.

Sunday, March 28, 2010

RAD (1986)

This is a great 80's movie! Not as great as THE KARATE KID, but still a lot of fun.

Cru is just your average a small town kid, except that he's really fucking good on a BMX bike. A local businessman organizes the "Super Bowl" of BMX racing featuring the world's greatest racers. There's one spot reserved for a local racer so Cru has to kick ass in a series of qualifying races to earn a chance to race Helltrack against the professionals. But that's not all. There's some love shit going on between Cru a this really hot bicycle chick. And a side story about crooked businessmen, but that's unimportant. All we care about is the racing and hot chick and how 80's everything was back in 1986!

I have no idea why this movie isn't on DVD (probably something to do with the soundtrack), but if you can find a copy then I say check it out. It's a little slow at parts, but it's worth watching at least once.
Why is that little girl grabbing the hot chick's tit?!

Why is that dude grabbing his own ass?!

Monday, March 22, 2010

RIKI-OH: THE STORY OF RICKY (1991)

All Ricky wanted to do was run around in a field with his girlfriend while looking like a dork. But nope, that's too much to ask for. She witnesses a crime and next thing you know she's flying off a tall building. Ricky kicks the bad guy's asses and ends up in prison. A prison run by a psychotic warden and a bunch of evil superpowered kung-fu villains...good thing Ricky's uncle taught him karate by throwing tombstones at him!!! Really though the story doesn't matter at all. In the opening scene Ricky arrives at the prison and after that it's just a long series of fights, each one more fucking wacky than the last and it's fucking great!