Wednesday, March 16, 2011

MORTUARY (1983)

Underwhelming early 80's slasher about a hooded, whitefaced killer who goes around stabbing people with that large needle looking thing embalmers use. There's also a Satanic cult down at an old warehouse. Sounds exciting, but it's boring as fuck thanks to the weak script and two leads who have the onscreen charisma of a tumbleweed stuck on a dead cactus. Bill Paxton on the other hand was fucking great, but unfortunately he didn't have enough screen time. It also didn't help that there was way, way too much time spent at the main chicks dark house. It would have been much more exciting if maybe she lived at an all girl college or something like that.

Anyway, I'm just babbling. I've watched this film twice now and it's not horrible, just really slow. I did love the brief skating rink scene. They should have had the main chick work there! Yea, recast the entire movie, except for Bill Paxton, and then change it to where she works at a roller disco and lives at a all female college...and her roommate is a nude fitness model. Fucking genius!!!
This skipping scene had me laughing till my sides hurt.

Nice shorts.

Cute girl. I wish she was on screen longer.