Friday, August 17, 2012

HUMAN PORK CHOP (2001)

When I sat down to watch this film I was guessing from the title that it was going to be about some THE UNTOLD STORY-style restaurant serving human pork chops, but no. Instead the story is about a prostitute who steals money from her pimp, so when he and his two henchmen catch up with her they hold her hostage in their dump ass apartment and torture her to death over the course of a month. Sounds gruesome and in the hands of the right director this story would be absolutely devastating. Unfortunately Benny Shun was not the right director because this movie ate more dick than a cannibal at a Richard Convention.

To begin with it's hard to believe HPC was made in 2001! If it wasn't for the cell phones I would have guessed the mid-80's! Added on to the dated look of the film, there's zero nudity, the pace is yawn inducing and the violence looks like poop! Yeah, the bad guys are mean-spirited assholes, but the audience is too busy giggling at the middle school level special effects to be disturbed by anything that's going on onscreen. Also the flashbacks were distracting.

After watching the film I found out HUMAN PORK CHOP is actually based on a real life murder: the 1999 "Hello Kitty Murder". Also there's another film (THERE IS A SECRET IN MY SOUP) based on the same crime and as Fate would have it I have a copy sitting right here on my desk so maybe I'll check it out soon. Hopefully it's better than HPC. I can't imagine it being much worse than this snoozer.

Skip the shit out it and never look back.