Thursday, December 6, 2012


Johnny Depp plays a dude who back in 1760-something ran afoul of a witch (because he loved another woman) so she killed the woman, turned him into a vampire and locked him in a coffin.  Fast-forward 200 years and the witch is now running a fish cannery in the same town.  Some construction workers come across Depp's coffin.  He promptly kills them all then heads to his family home.  They still live there, so he moves in and sets to restoring his family to their former glory.  But before he can do that he first has to deal with the psychotic witch that is still in love with him.

I've never seen the TV show so I have no idea what purists think, but the movie was alright.  On a scale of 1 to 10 I'd give it a solid 5.  The first half of the film is kind of funny in a fish-out-of-water/ AUSTIN POWERS kind of way, but then in the last act everything gets too serious.  Is this suppose to be comedy or a serious movie with comedy elements?  I have no idea.  There's funny stuff, but then innocent people get murdered and a dad leaves his son and a house gets burned down.  Then suddenly out of nowhere one of the characters turns into a half-werewolf for no reason at all.  WTF?  Attractive females all over the joint, Alice Cooper cameo, Carpenters "Top of the World" montage, 70's humor, coffin jokes, Burton stylized sets and visuals, I wanted to like DARK SHADOWS and I did like pieces of it, but as a whole it's too unfocused.  Worth a one time watch, but that's it.