Friday, June 29, 2012

LOVE CRAZY (1941)

This tenth of the fourteen pairings between Loy and Powell is one of the best. I've never sat down to make a complete list from best to worst, but off the top of my head I would rank this around #4 or #5. The films starts out with Powell and Loy as a loving couple celebrating their fourth wedding anniversary. Things are looking great and it's almost guaranteed that Powell's gonna get him some tonight, maybe even some anal!!! Then...the mother-in-law shows up. And she ain't no cool mother-in-law no this bitch is a meddling troublemaker and she stirs up so much shit in her short little visit that by the end of the night Loy has moved out and wants to file for divorce!!!

I won't get into all of the details, but I'll just say that Loy is mad as Hell and Powell gets so desperate to stall the divorce that he pulls out the only option he has left: act crazy and get the hearing delayed for 30 days. Bad news is he does such a good job of acting crazy he gets thrown into an insane asylum! Hahaha! As funny as all that sounds the highlight of the movie is what happens after the insane asylum.

If you're a fan of classic comedies then LOVE CRAZY is a much see. You're not going to be doubled over with laughter or anything, but it's an enjoyable time with a number of memorable lines and familiar faces like: Elisha Cook Jr., Donald MacBride, Gail Patrick and the always great Jack Carson.

Highly recommended. Double feature with LIBELED LADY.
A young Elisha Cook Jr.

I think we all know who that's a reference too.

Gail Patrick and Donald MacBride from MY FAVORITE WIFE!

SPLIT SECOND (1992)

Due to budget constraints, London 2008 looks a lot like a couple of alleyways and dilapidated rooms from 1992. Rutger Hauer is a pig who, along with his partner, was attacked years earlier by a large alien(?) creature. His partner died during the attack and Hauer was left with a bizarre sixth-sense that tells him whenever the creature is nearby. For years it's been quiet, but suddenly and without warning the attacks have began just as quickly as they stopped. The first victim is a woman in the restroom of a club Hauer is casing. Soon the bodies start piling and Hauer is taking this shit personally. Nothing is going to stop him from killing this monster. Even if it takes longer than a...split second!

Actually I have no idea why SPLIT SECOND was called SPLIT SECOND, but it didn't take me much long than a split second to figure out that SPLIT SECOND was nothing more than a low-budget PREDATOR 2 clone that falls in line, at least artistically, with pretty much all of the other futuristic action films from the early 90's...CYBORG, HARDWARE, FREEJACK, etc. Still it's a mildly entertaining watch but we never really get a good idea at what the killer monster is or it's motives. Is it an alien? A mutant rat? A ghost? How did it learn English? Why is it leaving notes and clues written in blood? What is it's interest with Rutger's character? Why is it supposedly bulletproof and able to run through solid steel doors but yet so easy to kill at the end?

Worth watching if you're really bored, but I can't really recommend it. The story's not strong enough, the action scenes are pretty forgettable and the gritty story sprinkled with comedy moments made the whole thing feel uneven.
Nights misspelled as knights.

Rutger with a bird on his head.


Thursday, June 28, 2012

ONE MISSED CALL (2008)

A remake of the underwhelming original shouldn't have been too hard. All you had to do was completely rewrite the story so that it actually made sense then add in awesome amounts of violence, hot females, hot dudes (for the two or three female horror fans out there), nudity, gore, good music, non bullshit special effects, genuine scares, intelligent dialogue and a quick pace that left the audience begging for more. As simple as that!

Is that what we got? Hell naw! The American ONE MISSED CALL is just as bullshit as the original Japanese version. The only and I mean only improvement is the story might have been just a little bit more understandable. The biggest disappointment was the lack of attractive females. What the hell? It's bad enough that the film is face-punchingly stupid but then they make it even worse by not providing anybody attractive to ease my pain! Bullshit! Skip this fucking turd. Oh yeah, the story's about a ghost haunting people through phone calls or something. Skip it.

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3

ONE MISSED CALL 2 (2005)

More missed calls. More people die. The End.

It was torture getting through this story. The first film was about a pissed off woman who died in a fire or something, I'm not even sure. Now the second film is about a pissed off little girl who died over a hundred years ago when the local villagers cut out her tongue, sewed her mouth shut and threw her in a mine...I think. Honestly by the last act of the movie I was in such a daze I could barely even remember my name.

Zero gore, zero tits, zero blood, zero scares, confusing as fuck story with a weak ass kid ghost. The only highlight (and it wasn't much of a highlight) was the appearance of that one chick who had a brief role in DEATH NOTE.

Skip this stinker with a vengeance.

Part 1
Part 3
Remake

I've seen this shot before somewhere...actually that's not true since that film was made a year later.