Thursday, December 5, 2013

PAIN & GAIN (2013)

Very loosely based on actual events that happened back in mid-90's Miami PAIN & GAIN tells the story of three addle-minded bodybuilders (of which only one actually has a ripped body) who come up with an absurd plan to kidnap a local businessman and torture him until he signs over all of his wealth.  That part works, kinda, but since all three of these idiots are morons they quickly blow through all of the money on women, coke and material bullshit.

How much you like PAIN & GAIN will depend a lot on your sense of humor.  If you're a card carrying member of the No Fun Club then you'll probably dislike it, but if you're open-minded and look at it like it's a really dark comedy then I think you'll get a kick out it.  It's flashy, crude, violent and a fun watch.  My biggest surprise came from how much I enjoyed Dwayne Johnson.  Dude plays a Jesus lover, but once he gets his hands on a pile of cash his true colors come out and he's coked to the gills and drowning in pussy!  His performance stole the whole movie.

And yes I know it's not even close to being historically accurate, but I don't give a fuck.  It's Michael fucking Bay!  The same guy who shit, pissed, vomited, farted, jizzed and rubbed his boogers all over the FRIDAY THE 13TH, A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET and TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE franchises for a quick buck so what do you expect?

Super quick pace, ton of laughs, Dexter's apartment, Bar Paly looking hot as fook, The Rock looking big as fuck, Marky Mark looking all swole, lots of bright colors.  Check it out.