Sunday, March 27, 2016

THE GREEN INFERNO (2013)

A group of ultradouchers quit smelling their own farts long enough to travel to South America to save a remote village from getting bulldozed by loggers.  The villagers repay their kindness by chopping them up and eating them for lunch...and dinner..and breakfast...and maybe even a few leftovers for a mid-morning snack.  The End.

Other than eye-rolling annoyance for the first 40 minutes or so, I didn't really have any emotions during THE GREEN INFERNO.  The activists during the first act were unbearably annoying and when the cannibals finally showed up the the second act I just found them to be boring.  Then when the victims were captured and taken to the village I was hoping for some APOCALYPTO-style jungle chase excitement or maybe some RAMBO: FIRST BLOOD PART II escape and running around in the jungle action, but no.  Instead there was just a bunch of sitting in a wooden cage bitching and moaning interrupted by the occasional cannibal feasting scene.

I can only imagine that being captured by a village full of cannibals would be mind-destroyingly terrifying, but unfortunately none of that terror is expressed in THE GREEN INFERNO.  I had zero compassion for the main characters.  I hated them all.  And even when they were captured I still didn't give a shit.  And on the other side of the spectrum, the villagers were all bland.  The one standout was the yellow and black-painted guy but he didn't come off as being a badass or anything.

Overall, THE GREEN INFERNO is a watchable film, but just kind of soulless and meh.