Showing posts with label Chris Pratt. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Chris Pratt. Show all posts

Wednesday, February 24, 2016

JURASSIC WORLD (2015)

You would think that with over a decade between sequels there would've been plenty of time to write an awesome script that would make the audiences eyeballs pop out of their heads, but...I guess not.  Instead, we get what looks to be a list of "cool ideas" strung together with a connect-the-dots style script.

So we got these two kids who's aunt works at Jurassic World island.  She's like super important and always has her phone out and stuff and like she can't be bothered to watched the kids cause she's trying to get investors lined up for this awesome new genetically altered dinosaur.  I think his name is like Awesom-O or something and so like the kids just wander off by themselves all over the joint and then you got that handsome dude from that one movie who's like a raptor whisperer or something and can talk to raptors, but then there's a evil military dude and the big new dinosaur gets loose and starts wreckin' shit.  He even eats that one guy from Curb Your Enthusiasm.  You remember the one where Larry kills the swan at the country club and then gets in a argument with the tombstone carving guy?  The tombstone guy is the guy who gets eaten by the dinosaur!  Anyway, so there's like dinosaurs running all over and then the bird ones gets loose and start flying around eating people.  I mean this place is going to get sued to Hell and back!  Audie Murphy-style!  Oh yeah, oh yeah, so there's like this plastic ball that people can get in and roll around with the dinosaurs and stuff, so like the two kids get in there and the bad dinosaur attacks them and they run away and find a Jeep from the first movie then the T-Rex gets loose and he's like "What the fuck?  This is my island motherfucker!" and beats up the Awesom-O dinosaur.  Boom, boom, boom, bang!!!  And there's raptors on motorcycles and cavemen in jet planes...oh wait, that was BATTLEFIELD EARTH.  I watched that right afterward.  I mean, what the fuck?  Whoever thought that would be a good movie?!  How'd it even get financing?  I mean, yeah, it starts out alright, but then next thing you know you got cavemen in jets and nuclear bombs and flight simulators!  How'd they even know to fuel up the jets or how to load the machine guns?!  Plus the shit's been sitting there for a thousand years!!!  Anyway, so JURASSIC WORLD was pretty cool.  BATTLEFIELD EARTH was "auggghhhh!"  For a single viewing, JW was alright.  I'd watch it again if somebody wanted to watch it, but JURASSIC PARK...shit, I still watch that motherfucker like 2 - 3 times a year!

Part 1 - Jurassic Park (1993)
Part 2 - The Lost World: Jurassic Park (1997)
Part 3 - Jurassic Park III (2001)
Part 5 - Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom (2018)
Part 6 - Jurassic World: Dominion (2021)

Saturday, July 11, 2015

GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY (2014)

In 1988, a young Earthling, Peter Quill, is kidnapped by aliens.  Twenty-six years later, Peter, is grown up and dancing across a weird-looking alien planet while listening to his ancient Walkman.  He's grown up to be a bizarre mixture of Marty McFly, Indiana Jones, Han Solo and whatever the hell Kevin Bacon's name was in FOOTLOOSE.  After getting his boogie on, he finds what he's looking for: a metal orb that looks like a larger version of Rosemary's necklace in ROSEMARY'S BABY.  Stuff happens and it ends up that an evil dude (who looks likes what would happen if the bad guy from THE KEEP joined a black metal glam band) wants the orb in order to use it as a weapon to kill everybody.  Later on, Peter crosses paths with some other folks and they end up becoming friends.  Awww.

I've only seen a handful of these Marvel Cinematic Universe (MCU) films, so I can't really tell you if it's good or not from a comic book fan perspective, but from an entertainment perspective...I liked it.  Quick pace, impressive special effects, good acting, intriguing characters, zero tension.  I would totally watch it again.

The Infinity Saga

Phase One
Part 1 - Iron Man (2008)
Part 2 - The Incredible Hulk (2008)
Part 3 - Iron Man 2 (2010)
Part 4 - Thor (2011)
Part 5 - Captain America: The First Avenger (2011)
Part 6 - Marvel's The Avengers (2012)

Phase Two
Part 7 - Iron Man 3 (2013)
Part 8 - Thor: The Dark World (2013)
Part 9 - Captain America: The Winter Soldier (2014)
Part 11 - Avengers: Age of Ultron (2015)
Part 12 - Ant-Man (2015)

Phase Three
Part 13 - Captain America: Civil War (2016)
Part 14 - Doctor Strange (2016)
Part 15 - Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 (2017)
Part 16 - Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)
Part 17 - Thor: Ragnarok (2017)
Part 18 - Black Panther (2018)
Part 19 - Avengers: Infinity War (2018)
Part 20 - Ant-Man and the Wasp (2018)
Part 21 - Captain Marvel (2019)
Part 22 - Avengers: Endgame (2019)
Part 23 - Spider-Man: Far From Home (2019)

Phase Four
Part 24 - Black Widow (2021)
Part 25 - Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings (2021)
Part 26 - Eternals (2021)
Part 27 - Spider-Man: No Way Home (2021)
Part 28 - Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness (2022)
Part 29 - Thor: Love and Thunder (2022)
Part 30 - Black Panther: Wakanda Forever (2022)

Phase Five
Part 31 - Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania (2023)
Part 32 - Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3 (2023)
Part 33 - The Marvels (2023)