Showing posts with label Christopher Lloyd. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Christopher Lloyd. Show all posts

Friday, September 14, 2012

PIRANHA 3DD (2012)

First off this movie is only 70 minutes long. I don't even know if that's a complaint or a complement because by the time that 70th minute rolled around I was damn sure happy when the credits started rolling...for 13 minutes!!! The padded (with bloopers) end credits stretched out the total runtime to 83 minutes, but it felt like 3 hours.

The movie opens with a dead cow in the water, piranha eggs pop out of it's pussy...why?! Why am I wasting my time with this junk when I have a whole stack of Kurosawa and Ozu movies over here? I hate myself and my morbid curiosity...anyway, cow pussy. You gotta dead cow, it's gotta dead cow pussy and out of this dead cow pussy pops piranha eggs. The piranhas promptly go to a nearby water park and eat a bunch of people. Some ugly chicks get topless. David Hasselhoff shows up. The End.

The story, what there is of it, concerns a girl (Danielle Panabaker) bickering with her stepfather about him opening up an adult themed water park and her friends who work at the water park, including a nerd who is secretly in love with her. Yawn. The story is junk, the violence is garbage, the jokes are beyond lame, the nudity wasn't even worth me taking screenshots of and the acting is barely one step above a Troma movie.

The only reason I can think of to watch this stinker is Danielle Panabaker is attractive.  Other than that skip it with a vengeance and never look back.

Part 1 - Piranha (1978)

Part 2 - Piranha II: The Spawning (1981)
Remake - Piranha (1995)

Saturday, March 17, 2012

CLUE (1985)

[Update 7/11/17: Horrible review. No idea when I will find the time to redo it.]

A group of strangers are summoned to a remote mansion for a dinner party. Each is directed to use an alias. After dinner it's revealed that each person is secretly being blackmailed and the blackmailer is no other than that dude over in the corner, Mr. Body. The lights go out and when they come back on Mr. Body is dead. Who could the murderer be? There's an entire room full of suspects.

As a mystery CLUE is weak. As a comedy it's OK at best. I never laughed or even smiled once, but I was mildly entertained.  I admit there were a few cleverly written lines, but overall it was pretty mediocre.

Watch if you want, I don't care, but in the remainder of my life I will probably watch the similarly themed THE PRIVATE EYES a dozen more times, but I will never revisit CLUE. If I do, it'll just be to scope out the maid's cleavage.