THE SIEGE OF FIREBASE GLORIA (1989)

[Update 10/02/2021: Need to redo this review completely. Fix the screenshots also.]

R. Lee Ermey is a Sgt. Maj. in charge of a squad of soldiers. While on patrol they go to a village they've visited many times before and even befriended the locals. When they walk in they find out everybody's dead. Most have had their heads cut off and rammed on stakes, the children are in a big pile and a bunch of the women have been raped. This angers Ermey so they go off looking for answers and end up killing a bunch of undercover VC. After that they head to their destination: Firebase Gloria. It's just a series of trenches on top of a small hill, but they have to protect it...from the 2,000 plus enemy soldiers that's barreling down on them!

I have no idea how accurate any of this movie is, but it seemed pretty accurate to me. Either way it's a good movie and my only complaint was the budget was too low. More money would have made the action scenes a little bit better.

If you can find a copy I say check it out! R Lee is worth the price of admission alone! He even tells a guy he's gonna to step on his dick.

THE MONOLITH MONSTERS (1957)

[Update 06/14/2021: Need to redo this review completely. Fix the screenshots also.]

This was on the same DVD as THE INCREDIBLE SHRINKING MAN and I actually liked it better. It's definitely an original idea: a meteor crashes in the desert and explodes into a million pieces. When the pieces get wet they start growing and growing until they turn into giant towers and fall over exploding into a thousand pieces and all of those pieces do the same thing. Also, if you happen to touch one of the rocks that's gotten wet it'll suck all of the moisture out of your body and turn you into rock! Yikes!

For a B-level sci-fi thriller this was a pretty fun movie. The acting is over the top and the music is way too dramatic, but that's what makes it so much fun. If you like 50's sci-fi then you definitely need to check out THE MONOLITH MONSTERS. My biggest complaint is not enough people turned into stone.

THE INCREDIBLE SHRINKING MAN (1957)

[Update 05/10/2022: Need rewatch this film and redo this review completely. Fix the screenshots also.]

A man, while out on his boat, passes through a strange mist. A few months later he notices that his clothes are too big and he's lost weight. He goes to the doctor and yep: he's shrinking!!!  Happens all the time.  At first it's not too bad, but soon he's only a few inches tall, so he moves into a doll house. He stupid wife accidentally lets a cat in and it attacks him. He manages to escape, by falling off the basement stairs into a pile of clothes, but when his wife sees his bloody shirt and the cat licking it's paws she automatically assumes that he's dead.  He wakes up in the basement and since he's only a few inches tall it's like he's on a alien planet. Soon he starts to get hungry, so he starts searching for food and hopefully a way out.

This is a very interesting premise for a movie, but it's just too slow. I'm sure back in 1957 this movie was thrilling the shit out of audiences, but watching it now I found it to be a little boring. The spider scene was great though!

Worth watching, but don't expect too much.

Buttsecked by a giant spider?

CORPSE FUCKING ART (1987)

Very interesting documentary about the making of NEKROMANTIK, NEKROMANTIK 2 and DER TODESKING. I'm using the term documentary very loosely since all this film actually is is an hour worth of outtakes and footage shot of the sets with audio commentary by Jorg Buttgereit.

My favorite part was the stuff about the original NEKROMANTIK cause that film really did change my life when I saw it for the first time as a teenager. Did you know the cat intestines were actually scrambled eggs painted red?! That's pretty wild. They also used honey in the corpse fucking scene.

Then you got some stuff about DER TODESKING which was just alright. They also showed how they made the time lapse rotting corpse and the dick chopping scene. But the most interesting part, to me, was they actually had even more stories they were going to include in the film, but just didn't, including one about a sad guy who fantasizes about how beautiful and perfect his funeral will be, so he kills himself and only two people show up at his funeral then the gravediggers piss on his coffin. Haha.

Next up was some stuff about NEKROMANTIK 2 and it wasn't very interesting cause I didn't care for the movie much, plus the shitty old VHS tape started fucking up so I couldn't really see what was happening too well.

If you're a fan of Buttgereit or NEKROMANTIK I say it's definitely worth a watch if you can find a copy. I damn sure wouldn't spend much money on it though.

IN THE LAND OF THE OWL TURDS (1987)

[Review has spoilers, but since I doubt many people will ever get a chance to actually watch I went a little further with the plot description than I normally do.]

The beginning is a little weird with the dude laying naked in a bathtub playing with his own jizz, but once the story started it was better than I expected.

The main dude (I can't remember if he has a name or not) is lonely and longing for a girlfriend. He's a normal looking fellow, but he's awkward and whenever a woman tries to talk to him he starts talking about chickens and doing weird stuff, like acting like a chicken. If they get over his strange behavior their pussy's gonna dry up quick when they get a gander at his art car Volkswagen Beetle that's covered with all kinds of bizarre crap including a mail box, a broken tube television, a globe and paintings of chickens.

One day he's had enough of not getting laid, so it paints his entire body green and drives out to the woods. He attacks a tree stump and then he hears a rooster crowing! Oh boy! He runs off to find the rooster and when he does he also finds a strange looking hippie/wilderness woman. They talk and climb a tree. Then he takes a bath to remove the green paint. He kisses the woman and they hear a gunshot and a bird screeching. The woman runs off and throws pine cones at the guy when he tries to approach her.

Saddened, he returns to the city and while out in the street working on his strange car something special happens. The End.

That might sound kinda lame, but for only being 30 minutes long it never outstayed it's welcome. I doubt I'll watch it again, but it's worth watching at least once for those curious enough.  Might make an interesting low-budget double feature with EVEN HITLER HAD A GIRLFRIEND.

ANOTHER PUBLIC ENEMY (2005)

What...the...f?  When they named this movie Another Public Enemy, they literally meant another Public Enemy!  As in another movie called Public Enemy with some of the same character names and same actors, but all playing their roles completely different!  What in the hell is going on here?

In the original film, the character Chul-jung Kang (played brilliantly by Kyung-gu Sol) was this insane homicide detective who was so wild that he was damn near a gangster himself. Constantly beating people up, pissing off his supervisor, taking bribes and even at one point, taking a shit on a public sidewalk then getting his fecal matter (a.k.a. poo-poo) all over the murder weapon!  (And they called Harry Callahan "Dirty"!)  In this bizarre second film, there's still a character named Chul-jung Kang, once again played by Kyung-gu Sol, but this time he's a by-the-book public prosecutor! And the story has nothing at all to do with this first movie!

I went into this movie hoping to see a bigger and even crazier story about Det. Kang kicking even more ass than before, but nope.  Now he's a prosecutor who spends the majority of his time either super happy or crying.  And never once shitting on a single sidewalk!!!  The best way I can describe APE, is imagine if when they released LETHAL WEAPON 2, Mel Gibson was no longer a crazy, loose cannon cop, but instead, Perry Mason! That's what happened here.

What's even weirder is the guy who directed Part 1 is the same guy who directed this head scratching installment. Very strange. I didn’t hate the movie, but the story is just so...boring and lame that it’s hard to care what happens.  Plus, the film is 148 minutes long!!! What the fuck? Even as a stand alone movie, it starts out okay, but wears out it's welcome by at least 40 minutes.  Also, what's up with this series having a nearly 100% all-male cast?  That's not cool.

 

Part 1 - Public Enemy (2002)
Part 3 - Public Enemy Returns (2008)