EIGHT LEGGED FREAKS (2002)

I like this movie. It wasn't as good as say TREMORS, but it's a nice lighthearted comedy/giant spider movie that probably the entire family could enjoy. I say that because even though there's a bunch of very large spiders killing people, they also make weird cartoonish noises that add a bit of comedy that I would imagine children would find amusing.

The residents of a small desert mining town are dirt poor and the town is drying up.  An evil land developer has been secretly dumping nuclear waste down an unused mine shaft. Next thing you know, giant computer generated spiders are crawling all over the place killing the shit out of people. That sounds gruesome, but like I said, most of the violence is done in a cartoonish way.

Kari Wuhrer in tight jeans and tight t-shirt for the majority of the movie, quick pace, zero nudity, mild violence, zero gore, green spider blood, funny spiders, likeable characters, Sean Penn's mom, ol' boy from MANHUNTER, Scarlett Johansson in a towel.

EIGHT LEGGED FREAKS is a fun movie that should keep you mildly entertained...and sometimes that's all you want out of a movie.

TWO-LANE BLACKTOP (1971)

[Update 03/03/2021: Need to redo this review completely. Fix the screenshots also.]

Two young dudes (one a driver, the other a mechanic) are driving aimlessly all over the country looking for cars to race for a quick buck. One day a young girl climbs into their car and they just drive off without a word. Later at a gas station they start talking to a dude about racing.  They decide to drive across country to Washington D.C. for their pink slips. They take off, but soon the race is forgotten and the rest of the movie is just these people driving around and around. The End.

If you're looking for a race movie (like I was) then you're going to be disappointed, but despite that I still kinda liked this movie a little, but I'm not sure why. There was just something about the feel of the movie that I found appealing. I especially liked the surrealism of the final scene.

After watching the film I read a few articles/reviews and I think the quote that sums the film up best is "a fascinatingly bleak and oblique road movie that perfectly nails the bummed-out malaise of the early 70s"...a.k.a. post-EASY RIDER bullshit where the confused studios were looking for a quick buck.  If that sounds exciting to you then check it out. Or if you're you're actually looking for some 70's hot rodding in your 70's hot rod movie then watch DIRTY MARY CRAZY LARRY instead.

THE LAST SHARK (1981)

A huge shark starts attacking people in the waters surrounding a small coastal city.  And to make matter even worse...it's right before their big windsurfing competition!!!  People get eaten and lots of stock footage of clearly different types of sharks is shown until finally the townsfolk have had enough and decide to kill the beast.  A guy with a helicopter goes out to catch the shark (he doesn't, but the shark does end up catching him!); some divers confront the shark with dynamite, but the shark chases him into a cave and then smashes the rocks until it closes up the entrance (wow!); a group of teenagers go hunting for the shark with a shotgun and one of 'em comes back minus a leg (that scene was awesome); an overzealous TV reporter chains a giant hunk of meat to a dock and the dock gets pulled out to sea along with a bunch of people on it (what the hell?) and in maybe my favorite scene: the shark hits a small boat and the dude standing in the boat goes flying straight up into the air!  It was hilarious.

Yeah, this is a JAWS (and JAWS 2) ripoff, but in the right state of mind it's very funny.  I don't understand why Steven Spielberg had to be a sore sport and sue the makers of this film. Yes, it has a lot of similarities to the first two JAWS films, but the movie is so goddamn shitty that now all I want to do is watch JAWS again just to see a good shark movie!

Zero nudity, mediocre acting, terrible music, shitty looking shark, lots of stock footage, American flags everywhere (that'd actually make a good drinking game), fake looking helicopter crash...THE LAST SHARK is a turd, but it makes up for it in laughs.