Sunday, December 5, 2010

PRIMEVAL (2007)

A huge alligator in Africa is eating people. A 24-hour news channel sends in a news crew, an animal expert and a guide to not only film this man-eating monster, but also capture it alive!

That sounds exciting, but it's not. First off, it takes 22 minutes for the main characters to even arrive at the river where the alligator lives (why not just start the movie with the news crew arriving?!) and even then it's another good while before the alligator shows up!  Once the alligator arrives, you'd figure that it would be the star of the show, but instead, the story gets sidetracked in some unneeded bullshit about a local warlord.  Who cares?!

Ugly photography, slow pace, the main actor cannot even wear a shirt properly, everything has an ugly orange colour to it, below average computer graphics, roaring alligator, dude getting chased by the alligator pauses long enough to flip it off (how about you run away, genius), lame dialogue, boring action scenes, worthless ending.  I cannot even think of one reason to watch this useless clunker.  Skip it.

The fact that somebody got paid actual money to write this script kinda blows my mind.

Friday, December 3, 2010

STRIPPED TO KILL 2: LIVE GIRLS (1989)

Part 2 is even shittier than Part 1 and that's saying something! There's another killer loose in a crappy strip club. This time the main suspect is a red headed stripper who dreams about killing people and wakes up covered in other people's blood. Sounds like an open and shut case to me! Unlike the original though there's no female police detective going undercover as a stripper, instead we get a dorky looking male copper who decides the best way to investigate the case is to start banging the main suspect in a back alley in the rain.

Zero tension, low as fuck budget (I loved how you could actually see the sprinklers turning on for the rain LOL), only mildly (very mildly!) attractive strippers and terrible dance routines. I can't think of a single reason to watching this movie outside of extreme boredom or extremely painful blue balls. Skip it and never look back.

Part 1 - Stripped to Kill (1987)

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

SAVE THE TIGER (1973)

Jack Lemmon is a man pushed to the edge. He's a WWII vet haunted with the guilt of being alive when so many of his buddies died. What did he do with his life? The life that his buddies didn't get to live. Did he become a baseball player like he so innocently dreamed of as a child? Did he find a woman who would fill his life with love and happiness? No, he started a clothing factory, a pretty successful one, but now due to some financial acrobatics he's secretly broke and unless he comes up with a whole lot of money before the IRS audits him he's gonna go to jail, his factory closed and everybody put out of a job. But that's not all of his problems.

The first few times I saw SAVE THE TIGER I knew it was a great film, but it wasn't until the third time that I realized that it was a masterpiece. Billy Wilder was obviously smarter than me cause the first time he saw it it said "There's only one problem with that movie: I didn't direct it." That's a hell of a compliment coming from a master like Wilder, but I'm actually happy that he didn't direct this film because it's absolutely perfect the way it is. I think with his name attached the studios would have raised the budget and interfered too much. As it was, the budget was only a million dollars and that budget restraint actually helped the film, I think, because it forced the filmmakers (kinda like the Hays Code back in the late 1930's) to become more creative, not in a moral sense, but in a artistic sense to make the film completely 100% off of the studio lot and out on the streets with regular buildings using real people in the background and normal street noises and natural lighting. It doesn't even feel like you're watching a movie, but almost like you secretly peaking into people's private lives filled with hidden demons, false faces and very real fears.

I cannot recommend this movie enough (if you like good movies). It's my 373rd review on Happyotter, but only the 3rd movie that I've added to my Best Movies List. It really is that good. Jack Lemmon gives one of the best performances in the history of cinema and director John G. Avildsen would go on to direct ROCKY and THE KARATE KID. Highly recommended, especially if you're interested in learning how to make movies.

[SPOILER!!!] I've heard some people question the title, SAVE THE TIGER. During one scene, a man mentions that there's only a 500 or so tiger left in the world. They are a dying breed. Later the young woman, Myra, mentions that tigers are known to return to a place of beauty and that's how hunters capture (or kill) them. At one point, Lemmon looks at a poster of a tiger and his reflection is cast in the glass. Lemmon is a dying breed and it is only when he's alone or relaxed that he starts dreaming of playing baseball when he was a child. At the end of the movie, after he tells the arsonist to never mention his partner he goes to the park to watch the children playing baseball. He is returning to a place of beauty because he knows that his days are numbered and if the police don't get him or the IRS don't get him that his mind is finally going to crack from all of the pressure/guilt.

That's at least my take on the title.  I should probably read the novel, but I'm nervous that it will taint my admiration of the film.