Tuesday, March 1, 2011

BEFORE THE FALL (2008)

At the beginning of the film it's announced to the world that we have 82 hours until a gigantic meteor is going to hit the Earth and kill everybody.  In real life this kind of news would make the population of Rape-Murder City to instantly jump to around 7 billion, but not here.  Pretty much the only thing that happens the entire movie is this dude locks his family up in a secluded house and tries to protect them from a local child murderer.  That's all that happens the entire movie!!!  They could have had the same tension by simply have the phone not work.

With a proper script and a good director this film could have been extremely exciting. Unfortunately, none of that was present here. Skip it and watch MIRACLE MILE instead.

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

THE BEASTS ARE ON THE STREETS (1978)

"Hey, don't ya know? Kids today, they're not into drinking beer. They're into smokin'!"

Originally broadcast on NBC on May 18, 1978, THE BEASTS ARE ON THE STREETS is the straight-forward and relatively fast-moving story about a bunch of animals that escape from an animal preserve due to a truck wrecking into a fence.  Yeah, that story's pretty weak, but, who cares...I just wanna see the animals running around!  And speaking of critters.  You got tigers, lions, rhinos, ostriches, panthers, bears, elephants and camels.  The lions being the naughtiest of the bunch.  On the human side of things, we have a friendly zookeeper who's trying to capture the animals before any trigger happy hunters or cops can get their blast on.

Tiger vs. bear, Volkswagen Beetle vs. ostrich, Billy Green Bush acting like a psychopath, Burton Gilliam smoking an invisible joint, bear vs. paddle boat, lion vs. dog, lion vs. horse, brief elephant appearance, even briefer giraffe appearance, multiple animal trainers accidentally shown, Volkswagen Beetle vs. a rhinoceros, quick pace that slows some towards the end, zero nudity, zero gore, a baby camel that was so goddamn cute.  

Overall, TBAOTS is a fun film.  I bet kids back in 1978 loved it, since it's almost non-stop animal action. And that lion cub was so cute! I honestly think I said "Awwww!" every time he was on the screen...his paws were huge and his little trot was so adorable!

On the downside, I was very disappointed in the lack of monkeys and orangutans.  A rampaging spider monkey running around throwing his poo at people would have been entertainment gold...just ask Robert McCammon.

TAKE THE MONEY AND RUN (1969)

[Update 02/28/2022: Need rewatch this film and redo this review completely. Fix the screenshots also.]

In this early mockumentary, we find Woody Allen as Virgil Starkwell, a bumbling lifelong criminal who's exploits are explored here in film. He was bullied at a young age and soon turned to a life a crime. First small stuff like breaking into gumball machines and stealing purses, but then graduates into robbing banks...or attempting to rob banks. Along the way he meets the beautiful Louise.

For it's time I'm sure it was fresh and very funny, but it's kinda dated now. First time viewers will enjoy it based on how much they like Woody Allen. It also helps if you've seen some of the movies this film references...I AM A FUGITIVE FROM A CHAIN GANG, COOL HAND LUKE, The Marx Brothers and even VERTIGO (notice the restaurant Virgil takes Louise on their first date). I love Woody Allen, so even after not seeing this film for many years I still found it funny and the absurd slapstick humor reminded me a lot of his short stories, which I highly recommend.

While watching the wackiness of this film I couldn't help but think that less than a decade later he would write and direct the masterful INTERIORS. Truly impressive.