DEADTIME STORIES (1986)

Oof!  DEADTIME STORIES is a silly comedy/horror anthology about an annoying little twerp who won't go to sleep.  His drunk uncle is trying to watch TV in the living room, so he tells the kid three stories to try to get him to fall asleep.  The first story is easily the worst of the group.  It's a goddamn disaster.  Two witches are living in the woods.  They're trying to reincarnate their dead sister.  Instead, they had my finger inching towards the "Eject" button and thinking about aborting this entire review.  Being the handsome stud that I am, I bravely trudged through that stinker and made it to the second story that actually ended up being alright!  It was a modern retelling (with a werewolf twist) of the Little Red Riding Hood tale and it had it's moments.  The third story was about the "Bear" family.  After escaping from a mental hospital, they return home to find out that a psychopath by the name of Goldi Lox is living in their old dump of a house.  The whole story is dumb as Hell, but somewhat entertaining in a "so stupid it's funny" sort of way.

Wildly uneven stories that didn't fit together at all, a horribly boring connecting narrative (the kid and his drunk uncle) that could have just been dropped altogether and replaced with another actual story, extremely brief nudity, mediocre special effects, uneven acting skills, a Rob Lowe poster just like the one from THE LOST BOYS, interior of a drugstore from the 1980's complete with Smurfs and E.T. merch, zero gore, very little blood, 80's fashions, absolutely zero laughs, ol' boy from THE MUTILATOR, lots of groans (from me), unsatisfying ending.

Overall, I'm glad that I watched it, but it'll be a long time before I voluntarily watch this bastard again.  It was fun to laugh at though.  Skip it.

2 FAST 2 FURIOUS (2003)

Paul Walker is back, but this time..he's too fast, he's too furious, what the fuck?

After the silly (but entertaining) ending of the first film, Paul Walker quits the Los Angeles police force and runs off to Miami where he puts duckets on the table by participating in illegal street races.  After one such race, where he wins by jumping a motherfucking bridge(!!!), he's captured by the Miami police and forced to go undercover to take down a drug lord.  Yes, the story is completely ridiculous, but who cares, cause 2F2F is entertaining as fook from beginning to end.

It's a Fast and Furious film, so you're not going to have any realism or hardcore stuff going on (e.g., titties popping out), but for mindless entertainment, this film is a blast!  Very good on-screen chemistry between Paul Walker and Tyrese Gibson, fast pace, crazy racing action sequences, good acting, empty pockets, not empty pockets, James Remar, lots of car wrecks, goofy ass dialogue, excited people just randomly shaking their arms above their heads, Paul Walker bouncing around like a young Corey Haim, ass slapping, "a hoasis", satisfying ending.  Strangely enough, this film seems even more dated that the original film which is two years older.  Must be the upside-down/backwards tennis visors or something.

If you liked the first movie, then definitely check this one out.  Now, if you'll excuse me, I'll be outside putting a Gallo 12 and a Gallo 24 in my whip.  How 'bout them apples?!

Part 1 - The Fast and the Furious (2001)
Part 3 - The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift (2006)
Part 4 - Fast & Furious (2009)
Part 5 - Fast Five (2011)
Part 6 - Fast & Furious 6 (2013)
Part 7 - Furious 7 (2015)
Part 8 - The Fate of the Furious (2017)
Spin-off 1 - Fast & Furious Presents: Hobbs & Shaw (2019)
Part 9 - F9 (2021)
Part 10 - Fast X (2023)