Monday, August 1, 2016

V (1983)

"You always said it couldn't happen here. Then one day we woke up and we were living in a Fascist state."

Originally broadcast as a two-night event (May 1st & 2nd, 1983) on NBC, V tells the story of how suddenly 50 massive spaceships show up and start hovering above major cities all around the Earth.  Who are these aliens?  What do they look like?  Are they friendly?  Are they here to kill us?  Are they here to pitch the idea for a crossover movie called STOMP THE YARD VS. TREMORS?  Nobody knows!  Eventually, they reveal themselves (they look just like humans) and their intentions (they simply what to trade knowledge in exchange for some common chemicals and minerals).  Everybody lives happily ever after.  The End.

Or maybe not.  It turns out that after acting like they come in peace and weaseling their way onto our good side, the visitors are actually here for sinister reasons.  Duh!  And, of course, by the time anybody begins to suspect that these pushy visitors are actually evil they've already taken over everything: the military, the police, the media, factories, etc.  They even have their own youth organization full of snitches.  So now it's up to random groups of freedom fighters to save humanity.  Sadly, the main events in V only take place around Los Angeles and the rest of the world is unaccounted for.

Yeah, the story is preposterous, too vague and nowhere near as dark as I would like, but V is still a very entertaining three hours.  If you've never seen it and have even just the slightest interest in 1980's culture, then you should check it out.  Good acting by a strong cast, dated special effects that somehow still hold up, compelling story, Freddy Krueger as an alien, quick pace and that scene.  You know the one.

Part 2 - V: The Final Battle (1984)

Freddy Krueger is an alien?!

Is that a member of the film crew off to the left?

THE OTHER GUYS (2010)

As punishment for being a dumbass, hot-headed NYPD detective Mark Wahlberg is teamed up with nerd cop Will Ferrell. Stuff happens, including a lot of filler that doesn't move the story forward, and eventually Wahlberg and Ferrell are on the case of a serial killer! Nope. A gang of hoods planning to rob a horse track?! Nope. How about a bunch of horny hobos who like to have illegal orgies in parked Priuses? That’s actually talked about, but nope they’re on the trail of a guy trying to steal some money over a computer transaction. Wow. How exciting.

As a comedy, I’d say that THE OTHER GUYS hits about 30% of the time. And hits really hard with some hilarious bits, but then the other 70% is just…nothing. It’s really odd. Uneven pacing, absolutely pointless narration that adds nothing to the film, lots of familiar faces in smaller roles, multiple scenes that could have been cut or removed completely, average acting, zero characters you'd ever want to meet in real life.

The “Dirty Mike and the Boys” stuff was really funny and should have been the main focus of the film. But it wasn’t and I could never see myself ever wanting to watch this movie ever again.