Monday, November 18, 2019

HOBO WITH A SHOTGUN (2011)

"Welcome to Fucktown!"

As the film opens, homeless man, Rutger Hauer, rides into town on a freight train.  A normal person would take one look around Hope Town and nope straight the fuck out of that dump as quickly as possible. Especially after a man is decapitated in broad daylight in the middle of the street and nobody cares, but no, not ol' Rut.  He sticks around and even chews some glass in exchange for the $50 that he needs to buy a used lawnmower...nobody said he was smart.  Anyway, after all kinds of goofy Troma-level mischief happens (including Rutger being tortured by the police), he buys a shotgun and starts blasting fools.  It's mildly entertaining.

Theme song from MARK OF THE DEVIL used during the opening credits, ridiculous story that probably took less than a hour to write, overacting galore, mild blood and gore that just looks cartoonish, unimpressive toplessness, extreme colours, unsatisfying ending, cheese dick dialogue that was mostly just people screaming "fuck" a lot, zero emotional attachment to the main character (or anybody else for that matter), steady pace.

Overall, HOBO WITH A SHOTGUN is watchable, but way too close to a Troma film for me.

Wednesday, November 13, 2019

THE WICKER MAN (1973)

"...here the old gods aren't dead."

Mainland police receive a letter about a missing child on the island of Summerisle.  Police sergeant Edward Woodward goes, alone, to investigate.  Going solo and unarmed probably wasn't the wisest decision ever, because the citizens of Summerisle are all nuttier than squirrel shit.  How the police didn't already know that everybody on Summerisle is insane, is a total mystery.

Steady pace, creepy citizens, illogical story that would have been better set 50 years (or more) earlier, solid acting, random nudity, Woodward's troublesome lack of a Plan B, nice photography, a jar full of foreskins, Christopher Lee's awesome 70's hair blowing in the wind.

I like THE WICKER MAN.  My only real complaints would be the ending is predictable and nothing totally insane happens.  Yes, the ending is wack, but I was hoping for some creepier shenanigans along the way.  Still, THE WICKER MAN is quite influential in the "folk horror" sub-genre and very much worth watching.  Recommended for sure.  Now...if you need me, I'll be in my room watching MIDSOMMAR.

Remake - The Wicker Man (2006)
Sequel - The Wicker Tree (2011)

Wednesday, October 30, 2019

THE FAST AND THE FURIOUS: TOKYO DRIFT (2006)

"Fifty percent of something is better than a hundred percent of nothing."

Twenty-four year old high school student Sean Boswell is a moron.  He's also a speed addict and a busta.  Trouble seems to follow him everywhere he goes.  Mainly because he's a dumb ass.  His latest racing-related wise decision (illegally street racing through a house!) ends up with his parents sending him to the Tokyo Drift Capitol of the World: Tokyo, Japan, as punishment.  It seems that his parents are morons as well.

Once in the Tokyo, it takes Sean less than 24 hours to not only get in a race, but to also destroy an expensive car belonging to a local yakuza and to flirt nonstop with another yakuza dude's girlfriend!  Jesus wept, this guy's an idiot.  Fortunately though, for some bizarre reason, the one yakuza guy takes Sean under his wing and trains him Mister Miyagi-style how to be the "drift king".  None of this makes sense and it's all very silly...and highly entertaining in a bad way.  I liked it.  It was dumb as fuck.  If TFATFTD had been a Takashi Miike joint, Sean would have ended up skinned alive and/or with a ladle shoved up his butt (yes, that's a GOZU reference), but since this is a light-weight studio film, everything comes down to the big race at the end.  Cause, you know, that's how most organized crime groups settle their disputes...with drifting.  Goodfellas 2: Brooklyn Drift comes to mind.

Ridiculous story, zero logic, Atari Teenage Riot on the soundtrack, fast pace, dated fashions, subpar racing scenes that were not exciting, lackluster photography, stiff acting.  Overall, TFATFTD was uneventful and lame, but it was just so damn stupid that I liked it.  It was good to laugh at.

Fun fact: often when I'm playing racing games, I'll randomly yell out "Tokyo drift!!!" while drifting.  True story.

Part 1 - The Fast and the Furious (2001)
Part 2 - 2 Fast 2 Furious (2003)
Part 4 - Fast & Furious (2009)
Part 5 - Fast Five (2011)
Part 6 - Fast & Furious 6 (2013)
Part 7 - Furious 7 (2015)
Part 8 - The Fate of the Furious (2017)
Part 9 - Fast & Furious 9 (2020)
Spin-off 1 - Fast & Furious Presents: Hobbs & Shaw (2019)