Friday, September 19, 2014

FIEND WITHOUT A FACE (1958)

Some strange goings-ons have been, um, going on around an American Air Force base up in Canada.  There's been a rash of killings in the area surrounding the base and the locals ain't too happy about it.  Even stranger, is the killer (or killers) have been poking two holes into the base of the victim's skull and sucking out their brain.  Kind of like a mental vampire or something.  Of course nobody has the foresight to maybe wear some kind of protection around their neck/skull, so the killings continue.  Eventually an Air Force dude gets to the bottom of it and it is mental vampires!  And apparently a mental vampire looks like a disembodied brain with antennas that propels itself around with a spinal column tail.

I'm sure when FIEND WITHOUT A FACE came out in 1958 it scared the living bejesus out of younger audiences, but watching it now, it's extremely dated.  Tons of military stock footage, slow pace, lots of scenes of just people standing around talking, a slow-moving finale that seems to take like 20 minutes, stiff acting, amateur dialogue.  The monster attack scenes are entertaining, but other than it's a slow moving affair.  Worth a watch for fans of 50's era monster movies, others might want to think twice.

Drinking game idea: every time somebody says "Gibbons", "mental vampire" or "atomic".

MALAYA (1949)

Sleep fucking city.  I love Jimmy Stewart and Spencer Tracy, but this movie has nothing going for it.  It took me four sittings just to get through it!  Newspaper man Stewart is recruited by the US government to sneak into Malaya and smuggle out rubber to help the American war effort.  Stewart takes along buddy Spencer Tracy.  Tracy is tough as nails cookie who goes around non-stop talking shit and never worries about anything (example: he sneaks into a Japanese base at nighttime wearing a solid white suit and white hat).  Boring and predictable stuff happens and all the while I kept wondering to myself how this film even got made with such a high-caliber cast?!

Zero tension, discombobulated story, unneeded love aspect, stiff dialogue, quicksand pacing, unsatisfying beginning, middle and ending.  Outside of a feeling of boredom there is nothing notable about this film.  Skip it with a vengeance.

CHEERLEADER CAMP (1988)

If even Betsy Russell in a cheerleader outfit can't salvage your film, then you're in some serious trouble.

Low-budget tale of multiple cheerleader squads at a cheerleader camp competing for some kind of best cheerleading squad or something.  I don't even know.  Despite a bunch of people walking around in the background the main story is about a seven person team (five females, two males) and all of their personal squabbles, rivalries, etc.  Somewhere among all of this wasted energy there's a murderer killing people...in very boring ways.  Who could it be?  Who cares?

Low body count, very little blood, brief toplessness, zero gore, slow pace, shitty special effects, 80's fashions, lame humor that's not even close to being funny, boring dream sequences.  Outside of extreme boredom I cannot think of any reason to watch this snoozer.  Skip it.