Thursday, October 23, 2014

THE FUNHOUSE (1981)

Four twentysomething-year-old teenagers go to the carnival and for 44 minutes(!!!) walk around talking, playing games, telling and retelling a joke about a dancing duck, eating cotton candy and making out.  Finally they come up with the brilliant idea of jumping the ride at the Funhouse and spending the night inside.  So they get in and after the joint closes they witness a murder.  This is done with zero tension, but at least something is happening.  The killer has no idea that they're there, so really all they have to do (since the doors are locked) is hide out until morning...that is until one of these geniuses decides to rob the killer!!  Yes, the same killer they're locked in the Funhouse with.  Hahaha...too stupid to live.  The rest of the movie is just a tensionless, goreless, bloodless snoozefest with a generic looking killer.  They're also an easy escape route, but they never take it.  Pathetic.

Annnnd...that's about it.  Oh yeah, there was two badly shot topless scenes.  Skip it and never look back.

Tuesday, October 21, 2014

AIR FORCE ONE (1997)

President Harrison Ford ain't taking none of your shit, you smelly fucking terrorist buttholes.  "Get off my plant, I mean, plane!"

If you couldn't tell by the rousing music and the masses of people staring at him all glowy-eyed, President Harrison Ford is the greatest human in the universe.  So when some naughty terrorist poopheads hijack Air Force One it's up to President Harrison Ford to fake his escape and then turn the tables on these silly, silly clownhead peepants.

For a twenty year-old action film AIR FORCE ONE isn't too bad.  It's a little dated in the special effects and visceral action departments, but other than that it's an entertaining timewaster.  I especially liked the performances of the two leads (Ford and Oldman).  I do wish that they would have made Oldman's character more psychotic though.  Quick pace, lots of action, patriotism overdose, anti-climatic ending, zero nudity, President Harrison Ford, explosions, overacting, the Wishmaster getting choked out, average direction.  Would make an interesting double-feature with EXECUTIVE DECISION.

Drinking game idea: every time somebody overrides somebody else's order, every time Gary Oldman screams and every time somebody sacrifices themself to save President Harrison Ford's life.

Monday, October 20, 2014

TOWER OF EVIL (1972)

This is an interesting little film.  Released in 1972 it predates what we now know as the Golden Age of Slasher films by six years, but yet it still has a lot of the elements that we associate with the modern slasher film: freaky-looking killer with a twisted past (even named Michael), gloomy settings, sexual active young people as victims, drug use, a Final Girl, bloody murders, fog, victims trapped in a remote location with no forms of communication, fake ending, excessively violent kill scenes, decapitation, female nudity, dismemberment, investigators trying to solve the mystery, etc...but was it any good?!

Yes and no, the story is simple: young people looking for a place to party and fuck are killed in a gruesome manner, the Final Girl escapes and the investigators trying to solve the mystery soon become the next round of victims.  The film starts off quickly with some nudity, murder and psychedelic imagery, but somewhere near the last act things just kinda bog down.  The killer isn't nearly as clever and sinister as he should have been, the flashbacks are too jumbled up and the body count is too low.

Historically THE TOWER OF EVIL is worth watching, it is a good film, but I think most of the younger horror audiences will be disappointed.  Especially with the lackluster ending. Would make an interesting double-feature with ANTHROPOPHAGUS.