FRANCIS (1950)

Dim-witted Peter Stirling (Donald O'Connor) is almost too stupid to live.  One day, while stationed in Burma (during World War II) this Beetle Baily motherfucker gets lost on foot behind Japanese lines and figures his best course of action is to take a nap.  Awakened later by approaching explosions, Peter simply runs off in whatever direction his feet take him.  Feets, don't fail me now!  He falls down a hill like a dumbfuck and standing there is a talking mule by the name of Francis.  Francis, with an i.  Francis saves Peter’s life by carrying him back to his base.  After that, Francis and Peter develop an almost abusive relationship were Francis constantly belittles Peter and embarrasses him by clamming up when others are around.  At the same time, they enjoy sneaking off together in the middle of the night to hunt humans.  They even kill some humans together at one point.  Maybe somebody should remake this film into a horror movie.

In the highly populated domesticated-talking-equine-hybrid-between-a-donkey-and-a-horse-during-the-Burma-campaign subgenre, FRANCIS is in the top 100% percentile.  That said, the story is weak and pretty much all of Peter’s troubles come from him constantly telling everybody on the base that he’s friends with a talking mule.  I wish that Francis and Peter had been more friendly from the beginning.  Instead of playing weird mind games.  That was depressing.  Why is being honest with each other so fucking hard?!  From a filmmaking standpoint, FRANCIS is very basic.  Boring sets, average acting, uninspired cinematography, average pace.  The main saving grace of the film is that the mule who plays Francis is super cute.  There's also a few brief Tony Curtis sightings that caught me off guard.  That was neat.

Worth a watch for fans of such things.  Or maybe even stoners looking for a few giggles.  If there even are still stoners anymore.  Are there?  I don’t even know.  What do the “cool” people do now?  Heroin?  Tranq?  Oxycodone?  Fentanyl?  Poisonous toad puss?  Who gives a fuck.  Drink some cherry-flavored mushroom Kool-Aid, pop some oxy and feel superior to others as you giggle at Francis.  He’s a mule.  That talks.

Part 2 - Francis Goes to the Races (1951)
Part 3 - Francis Goes to West Point (1952)
Part 4 - Francis Covers the Big Town (1953)
Part 5 - Francis Joins the WACS (1954)
Part 6 - Francis in the Navy (1955)
Part 7 - Francis in the Haunted House (1956)

WINCHESTER '73 (1950)

Between 1950 and 1955 James Stewart and director Anthony Mann made five westerns together, this first pairing finds Jimmy Stewart and his buddy Millard Mitchell on the trail of Dutch Henry Brown (Stephen McNally)...a sidewindin', bushwackin', hornswagglin' cracker croaker that really pissed off Stewart, but we don't know why.

In the opening scene they catch up with him in Dodge City, but since there's no guns allowed in the city limits, they can't kill each other.  Instead they compete in a shooting contest judged by Wyatt Earp! Grand prize: a highly-coveted "one-in-a-thousand" Winchester Model 1873 rifle. Stewart wins the gun only to have Brown and his men jump him, steal the rifle and skedaddle it out of town. From here on the story splits in two: one, the story of the rifle (and it's quickly changing owners) and the other, Stewart and Mitchell tracking down Brown.

WINCHESTER '73 is a great western and one of the coolest things about it is it's outstanding cast.  Besides the two leads of Stewart and McNally you have Millard Mitchell, Shelley Winters, Will Geer, Rock Hudson, John McIntire, Dan Duryea, Stephen McNally, James Millican, Jay C. Flippen, Charles Drake, John Alexander, Tony Curtis, Abner Biberman, James Best, Steve Brodie and more!  I mean, the whole time you're watching the film you're thinking to yourself "Holy crap!  That's Teddy from ARSENIC AND OLD LACE! Charge!!!" or "Hey, there's Rosco from "The Dukes of Hazzard".  It's a joy seeing so many familiar faces, even if sometimes it's just in the background.

Strong direction, legendary cast, impressive acting (I especially liked Shelley Winters), clever script, quick pace, beautiful scenery and cinematography.  If you're a fan of Jimmy Stewart or just good movies then you can't go wrong with WINCHESTER '73.