DEATH SHIP (1980)

Fuck this old turd of a movie. I remember getting burned by this piece of shit back in the 1980’s, when your mom would only let you pick one (maybe two) movies to rent to last you the entire weekend…and that cover looked so goddamn wicked with the crusty old ship with the ghost face, so you get the movie home and it fucking blows! Like, literally nothing happens for the entire movie! A cruise ship is hit in the middle of the night by a haunted ship; a few boring survivors climb off a raft onto the death ship and that’s it. They just walk around looking at spider webs and empty hallways for the rest if the movie. It was Hell. And your entire weekend was ruined! Why didn’t I just rent HALLOWEEN II or TIME BANDITS again instead?! I was so stupid when I was a little kid. Idiot. I hate young me.

Fast-forward however many hundred years it’s been since 1983 and I rent the fucking movie again! Surely, it's better now that I'm a handsome adult with a girthy, veiny, pulsating brain to think with. Annnd...I swear to Satan, it’s even worse now that it was back then! How did this movie even get made? There’s three writers listed in the credits, but there isn’t a story.  Is there an actual script for this movie somewhere or did they just film some actors walking around a ship and then cobble it into a movie?

Watch it if you want. I don't give a fuck what you do. I'm ashamed to admit that I've watched this movie twice in my life. How embarrassing. That cover art is dope though. Maybe I should watch it again just to make sure.

Side note: while the movie is a complete turd, it was interesting to see George Kennedy and Richard Crenna in action. I think a lot of my anger for this movie still comes from it pissing me off so bad (with its boredom) as a kid.

RAMBO: FIRST BLOOD PART II (1985)

After blowing up half the town of Jerkwater, U.S.A. in the first film, Vietnam War veteran John J. Rambo is tossed in the slammer where he passes the time breaking rocks with a sledgehammer.  Three years later, he's offered a pardon if he accepts a mission to sneak into Vietnam and locate some suspected American prisoners of war.  He accepts, but it's not until he's about to take off on his mission that he learns he's only suppose to photograph the American prisoners, not rescue them.  Things don't go quite as planned.

RAMBO: FIRST BLOOD PART II is one of the best 1980's action movies of all time.  Great acting, awesome explosions, badass sound effects, tons of people getting shot and stabbed and blown the fuck up, torture, memorable bad guys, a very well-written script that keeps the story moving along at a lightning pace, explosive arrows, leeches, strong cast full of familiar faces, a helicopter dogfight, a pit full of pig pee-pee, the guy from Cobra Kai getting kneed in the nuts.  It's awesome!

I could go on about this film for hours, but nobody wants to hear my ramblin' ass bullshit.  If you're interested in the history of action movies and / or American Cinema, then double-feature FIRST BLOOD followed by this film.  Or...if you really want to explode yer ballsack up through the roof of your mouth...double-feature Rambo 2 with DEADLY PREY.

Part 1 - First Blood (1982)
Part 3 - Rambo III (1988)
Part 4 - Rambo (2008)
Part 5 - Rambo: Last Blood (2019)

By pure accident, while looking for newspaper ads for SPIES LIKE US, I found the single greatest Rambo newspaper ad of all time.