SAW (2004)

Two unlucky men find themselves in a really horrible place. That’s right...a Will Smith movie marathon. No, I’m just kidding. They weren’t that unlucky! Two unlucky men find themselves chained up in a dingy, fucked up industrial-looking bathroom.  Complete with a poo-filled toilet.  After talking for awhile and assessing that neither one of them can accurately throw an object over three feet, they discover that their lives are connected.  They're also given the message, by their mysterious captor, that if the one guy doesn't kill the other guy in a certain amount of time, the captor will murder the first guy's family.  All kinds of flashbacks and crazy shit happens next.

For a low-budget horror movie, SAW is a pretty impressive film.  The basic story is similar enough to SEVEN that it could almost be seen as a spin-off or imitation told from a different point of view, good pace, solid acting by an impressive cast, low amount of actual on-screen violence, an excellent musical score by Charlie Clouser (that's well worth listening to on it's own), creepy lighting and a very interesting villain, Jigsaw, who's completely different from other memorable horror movie icons like Leatherface, Chucky or Jason.

Another thing that I appreciate about SAW is just how much fun the entire series ended up being!  I've seen them all before, but when I sat down to watch the first one for this review...I ended up watching all eight of the films in a row and had an absolute blast!  It was great.  There's a few standout sequels (2 and 8), but overall, they're all fun.  No duds.  A few films (2 and 5) even come off like gnarly reality game shows!

Yeah, the story is totally unbelievable and dumb, but who gives a fuck?  Life is a pile of shit and a lie-filled hell from birth until release, so why not enjoy yourself and watch some goofy movies that make you laugh?  For anybody out there watching the entire series in order: whenever the Jigsaw puppet shows up on a television, right before he speaks, yell out "'ello, guvna!" It makes absolutely no sense, but is highly enjoyable.

Part 2 - Saw II (2005)
Part 3 - Saw III (2006)
Part 4 - Saw IV (2007)
Part 5 - Saw V (2008)
Part 6 - Saw VI (2009)
Part 7 - Saw 3D (2010)
Part 8 - Jigsaw (2017)
Part 9 - Spiral: From the Book of Saw (2021)
Part 10 - Saw X (2023)

2012 (2009)

Around 666 trillion years ago the Mayans predicted that the world would come to an end on Dec. 21, 2012. They were wrong. It happened a few months earlier than that. Haha! Stupid Mayans.

Struggling writer John Cusack takes his kids on a simple 1,000 mile (one way) road trip from Los Angeles to Yosemite National Park to go camping. They see a fence that says "Stay Out", so naturally they climb over it and get captured by soldiers. By chance the most important scientist in the universe is there and he's a big fan of John Cusack's novel that only sold 400 copies. He lets them go and within 5 minutes Cusack runs into conspiracy theorist radio host Woody Harrelson who tells Cusack about the coming end of the world.

Back in L.A., Cusack is driving a limo for a billionaire and the billionaire's kid starts talkin' shit Cusack about how he's going on a big ship and Cusack is going to die. Cusack freaks out and tells his family to hightail it, so they steal an airplane and fly around all over the joint as the entire planet blows up.  It's awesome.

Disaster movies are silly and dumb as Hell, but that's what makes them so much fun! Plus, they all have the same plot: build up, disaster overload, aftermath. The build up in 2012 was enjoyable (but not really long enough) then the shit hits the fan and you would expect it to be a giant rape party, but strangely enough people are pretty calm and noble considering everything and the kitchen sink is being thrown at them...mega-earthquakes, mega-tsunamis, mega-volcanoes. This movie throws it all out there. I'm surprised some asteroids didn't try to get in on the action.

The story about the family on the run was exciting, but some of the other stuff should've ended up on the cutting room floor. I mean, goddamn, this sucker is nearly three hours long!  All the shit about the President? Trashed. The scientist's dad? Trashed. The scientist's dad's friend's son? Double trashed!!! Come on, this is suppose to be an action movie. All this extra bullshit is boring me.

Oh well, I've said too much. 2012 is fun for what it is.