LOVE ACTUALLY (2003)

Divided up into numerous smaller stories, LOVE ACTUALLY insults any human who possesses empathy and/or an IQ above room temperature with multiple vomitous, I mean, romantic tales about love.  For example: a woman is recently married and then when she discovers that her husband’s best friend likes her, she cheats on her husband with the best friend.  How romantic!  In another story, a husband is cheating on his wife and only after his heartbroken wife confronts him about it does he admit that he is a fool.  Too late now motherfucker!  In yet another heartstring tugger, a man catches his wife and his brother fucking, so he rebounds by seducing his non-English speaking housekeeper.  Wow.  That’s lovely.

The cast is very impressive and the acting is fine, but this movie can go straight fuck itself.  I hate the way it’s filmed, the musical cues for the intellectually stunted are insulting and the overall message is absolute rubbish.  If your marketing campaign is about how the movie is super romantic, then maybe have the film feature characters who are emotionally evolved enough to actually be honest with each other.  I’d rather be alone forever than get tricked into a relationship with a dishonest, soulless, weak-minded, chickenshit cheating sack of shit. Go feed yourself more lies.

Years ago I had the supreme misfortune to meet one subhuman in particular who thought this movie was actually romantic. She ended up having the personality of a war criminal and the morals of a tomcat who enjoys raping kittens to death, so maybe LOVE ACTUALLY is a good test to see if a person is a vile inhuman piece of shit or not.

GALAXY QUEST (1999)

"By Grabthar's hammer, by the suns of Worvan, you shall be avenged."

Don't let the fact you don't know anything about "Star Trek" stop you from watching this delightful and skillfully written space comedy.

Many years after the science fiction show "Galaxy Quest" was cancelled, the stars rely on appearance gigs (conventions, store openings, etc.) for money.  They're a jaded group but still appreciate their dedicated fans.  One day the Captain (Tim Allen) is approached by a group of real life aliens asking for his help.  He mistakenly thinks they want him for a paid appearance so he agrees.  Not to lose out on a gig some of his co-stars (Sigourney Weaver, Alan Rickman, Tony Shalhoub, Sam Rockwell) tag along and end up getting involved in the middle of a huge interplanetary war between the peaceful humanoids aliens and the warlike talking insect-reptile aliens.

Not only is it a brilliant satire of "Star Trek" but it's also an respectful (and touching) tribute to fandom in general.  Amazing cast (Alan Rickman kinda steals the show), fast pace, Grabthar's hammer, impressive special effects, historical documents, chompers, rock monster, tentacles, great story.  GALAXY QUEST is a excellent film that can be enjoyed over and over again.  Highly recommended.