TRESPASS (1992)

Two honky firemen (William Sadler and Bill Paxton) from Crackersville, Arkansas come across a treasure map showing the location of some stolen gold. Problem is the gold is hidden in a factory in East St. Louis which is long closed and now included in the stomping grounds of a violent gang led by King James (Ice-T). But, eh, they being normal peckerwoods and, eh, on a treasure hunt, well they were not going to let a gang of homicidal killers spoil the events of their afternoon. On a day out. It was a day out they were going to remember for a very long time.

TRESPASS is probably one of the most straight-forward 1990’s action movies of all time. There’s zero build-up, zero character introduction, zero flashbacks or side stories, zero sex, zero females, nothing. (Hell, goddamn DEADLY PREY had more story than this movie!) Not that I’m complaining. I actually found the entire wham, bam thank you ma’am (or mx or sir or sirma) approach to be amusing. The film kinda feels like reading a no frills, action-packed short story. I'm surprised there hasn't been a remake.

Solid acting, lots of dramatic pulling out of cell phone antennas (that actually might make a good drinking game), vintage slang, vintage cars and fashions, zero CGI, impressive lower budget stunts, zero nudity. TRESPASS isn’t the height of action cinema or anything, but the first two acts still hold up all these years later. The third act? Not so much. It falls off the rails pretty had during the last 30 minutes or so. Still, it’s always fun to watch Bill Paxton freaking out. That alone is worth watching the movie.

Recommended for all fans of older action movies. Double-feature with JUDGEMENT NIGHT.

Oh yeah, this has nothing to do with the review, but while looking for newspaper ads I noticed that this film was released on Christmas Day, 1992. Who the fuck thought that was a good idea? No wonder it didn't even make it's budget back at the box office.

Now this really, really has nothing to do with the movie, but I was curious about East St. Louis (yes, I know the movie was actually filmed in Atlanta and Memphis), so I started driving around East St. Louis on Google Maps and I found this legendary pothole. I just wanted to share. Imagine hitting that motherfucker late at night in a rain storm!

POLICE ACADEMY: MISSION TO MOSCOW (1994)

There’s a scene in the movie where Tackleberry and Jones are attempting to break into a combination wall safe. Tackleberry wants to shoot it with a pistol, but Jones has a better idea. He puts his face near the safe and makes tumbler clicking noises. The safe unlocks. That’s all you really need to know about POLICE ACADEMY: MISSION TO MOSCOW.

I don’t know why this film was made. You would think that since the filmmakers took 5 years between City Under Siege and this film, that they would have had plenty of time to develop a hilarious script, but nope, this movie is dead on arrival. Honestly, it’s kind of impressive that somebody can make an 82-minute comedy and not one single funny (or even amusing) thing happens during the entire film. I’ve seen dozens of episodes of Midsomer Murders that were funnier than POLICE ACADEMY: MISSION TO MOSCOW, not because it’s a comedy (it’s a cozy mystery show about brutal murders), but simply because MM has amazing writers and occasionally humorous things happen to lighten the mood.

I’m sure that there were many, many talented people involved with the making of Police Academy 7, but unfortunately very little of that talent made it to the screen. I did enjoy some of the scenery and locations and a few of the extras seemed fine. Other than that, I was just dumbfounded by how void of funny the entire thing was. So, in that regard, it’s kinda worth watching.

Definitely not the worst thing I’ve ever seen or even close to it, POLICE ACADEMY: MISSION TO MOSCOW is more like a series of moving images that kinda develop into an uninteresting story. A nothing movie.

Part 1 - Police Academy (1984)
Part 2 - Police Academy 2: Their First Assignment (1985)
Part 3 - Police Academy 3: Back in Training (1986)
Part 4 - Police Academy 4: Citizens on Patrol (1987)
Part 5 - Police Academy 5: Assignment: Miami Beach (1988)
Part 6 - Police Academy 6: City Under Siege (1989)