OMEN III: THE FINAL CONFLICT (1981)

After the impressive first Omen film and the even more enjoyable second film, the people behind the Omen series decide to pour unholy goat piss all over the entire thing by releasing a severely disappointing third and “final” installment.

As our lackluster story begins, Damien Thorn is now an adult and fully committed to being an evil butthole. For example: he has a life-size replica of Jesus Christ in his house that he talks shit to.  Doesn’t get much more evel, I mean, evil than that!  So anyway, while Damien is going around preparing to take over the World, the Jesus lovers find 7 super badass knives that are the only thing in the Universe that can kill the Antichrist.  Naturally, they send out some weakass nerds, who couldn’t beat up Benji the Hunted, to assassinate Damien. Boredom ensues.

The idea of the antichrist is one of the coolest things about Christianity and in the proper hands it could be the basis for thousands of awesome stories.  Unfortunately, THE FINAL CONFLICT isn’t one of those stories.  Sam Neill does give a good performance as Damien Thorn, but he doesn’t have anything to work with.  The story is beyond boring.  Honestly, I want to see more stories about Damien in high school!

Slow pace, zero nudity, minor blood, zero gore, zero tension, zero cool deaths, the word "Mephistophticles" not even used once, average acting, extremely disappointing ending.  Omen 3 is worth watching if you’ve already seen the first two films in the series and are a completionist.  Other than that, just skip this Satanic turkey and never look back.

Part 1 - The Omen (1976)
Part 2 - Damien: Omen II (1978)
Part 4 - Omen IV: The Awakening (1991)
Remake 1 - The Omen (2006)
Prequel - The First Omen (2024)

ESCAPE PLAN (2013)

If, back in the late 1980's, it was announced that Stallone and Schwarzenegger were making an action movie together it would have been the biggest news in the universe to a young teenage boy like me who had grown up endlessly watching COMMANDO and RAMBO:FIRST BLOOD PART II.  But now, 25 plus years later, they have both pissed all over their legacies so much (by releasing weak clunker after weak clunker) that outside of a little nostalgic interest I had zero excitement going into this film.

Stallone is a security expert whose specialty is escaping prisons and then suggesting improvements to the facility, but when he gets himself stuck in a top secret government prison, he realizes that he's been double crossed.  He then teams up with fellow prisoner, Schwarzenegger, to bust out of...well, wherever he is.  That sounds very exciting and a good writer and director could make a film out of that story that would cause viewers heads to explode, but instead nearly everything about this film is unoriginal and tired.  Also the budget seemed to be surprisingly low...I have no idea what the actual budget was, but the film at least looked more like something suitable for a Lundgren/Van Damme pairing than a Stallone/Schwarzenegger one.

Great story idea that never goes anywhere, stale action scenes, lame looking prison, Sam Neill on autopilot, non-threatening evil warden (this would have been an ideal role for Lundgren or some other 80's bad guy), bland everything else.  Some action movie fans might like it, but I can't see myself ever wanting to watch it again.  Highly disappointing.

Part 2 - Escape Plan 2: Hades (2018)
Part 3 - Escape Plan: The Extractors (2019)

IN THE MOUTH OF MADNESS (1994)

Insurance investigator Sam Neill is hired by a publishing house to find their lost horror writer, Sutter Cane.  Using clues from Cane's book covers, Neill discovers a map that leads him to the fictional town of Hobb's End, which is the setting in many of Cane's novels.  Progressively creepy stuff happens (reoccurring bicycle rider on the road, paintings moving, phantom children, evil dogs, mutants, tentacles, dogs and cats living together) and soon Neill discovers that he's in a world of shit.

Time has not been kind to IN THE MOUTH OF MADNESS.  The last time I last saw it was back in 1995 when it first came out in the theaters and I thought it was pretty creepy.  Revisiting it now...not so much.  Actually, it's not even creepy at all.  Instead the whole thing looks cheap around the edges, the story isn't near as grand as it promises to be, there's barely any violence, the only female with descent screentime to the unsexy "sexy" vampire from FRIGHT NIGHT II, the story drags on without any payoff, Sam Neill's performance comes off much campier than I remembered and the intro credit song by John Carpenter is like a bizarre lovechild of "(Don't Fear) The Reaper" and "Enter Sandman".

IN THE MOUTH OF MADNESS isn't a bad movie, it's just dedicates so much energy into this whole perverted reality "are we living in a book?" bullshit that it forgets to actually have any scary moments.  Worth a watch for fans of 90's horror, but it's nothing to get excited about.  If you want me I'll be in my room watching PRINCE OF DARKNESS.