CHILDREN OF THE CORN II: THE FINAL SACRIFICE (1992)

A reporter and his teenage son are innocently driving through the backwoods of Nebraska when they happen upon the aftermath of the Gatlin massacre (a.k.a. the events of the first film). As any American law professor can tell you, the punishment for teenagers killing "fifty plus" people is...to be immediately adopted by the citizens of the next town over. So, our murderous band of bustas are bused to Hemingford where they start murder-death-killin' a new whole batch of oldz. It's not all bad news bears though, cuz while the entire population of Hemingford is being openly slaughtered, the father and the son both find time to boink females. Nice.

It's been (not nearly enough) years since the wretched A RETURN TO SALEM'S LOT assaulted my handsome eyeballs with its shittiness, but I kinda remember it having the same plot. A single dad and his teenage son argue a lot and get stuck in a small town taken over by evil people. The dad and the son still have time to bang local women. Eventually, the survivors band together (in boring ways) and defeat evil before driving away as the Sun rises.

I haven't seen CHILDREN OF THE CORN II: THE FINAL SACRIFICE since seeing it in the theater back in '93 and it was actually better than I remembered it being. Steady pace that kept the story going forward, a few fun kills (the nosebleed church dude was awesome!), vintage clothing, pretty farmland locations, good enough acting, satisfying ending (even if it was weak as fuck).

Overall, CHILDREN OF THE CORN II is a fun throwback to those mid-level, weak ass horror movies that sucked back in the day but are enjoyable now in a nostalgic way.

This has nothing to do with the review, but the evil teenagers from BLACK ROSES would beat the snot out of these Children of the Corn dorks. Just sayin'. [Update 12/25/2025: the more I think about this idea, the more I'd like to see a remake where the evil Corn Kids get shipped to Mill Basin and a huge gang war breaks out between the two evil kid gangs.]

[This also has nothing to do with the review, but if anybody is confused about the tagline on the poster saying, "These children are home alone, too", it's because this movie was in the theater at the same time as HOME ALONE 2. It's just a really bad joke. Proof.]

Part 1 - Children of the Corn (1984)
Part 3 - Children of the Corn III: Urban Harvest (1995)
Part 4 - Children of the Corn: The Gathering (1996)
Part 5 - Children of the Corn V: Fields of Terror (1998)
Part 6 - Children of the Corn 666: Isaac's Return (1999)
Part 7 - Children of the Corn: Revelation (2001)
Part 8 - Children of the Corn: Genesis (2011)
Part 9 - Children of the Corn: Runaway (2018)
Remake - Children of the Corn (2009)

CREEPSHOW (1982)

Of the 666 or so horror anthologies made back in the day, CREEPSHOW is probably the most well-known and the most entertaining.  Is it also the best?  I would think so since the majority of them were just "Bleh!"  Anyway, horror legends George Romero and Stephen King got together to make a light-hearted horror anthology as a homage to the EC horror comics from the 1950's and it works thanks to a quick pace, dope special effects and a seriously impressive cast.

Father's Day

A small but wealthy family gathers together for their annual dinner and bitchfest.  They leisurely sit around smoking and drinking while recounting old stories.  Like the one where Great Aunt Bedelia beats her father to death with a marble ashtray.  Maybe next year they can tell the story about how father came back from the dead and started fucking people up. 

The Lonesome Death of Jordy Verrill

To me this is the highlight of the movie simply because I love watching Stephen King's hilarious overacting as a backwoods lunkhead who sees a meteorite crash near his shack.  He rushes over to the crater and has a daydream about selling the meteor to the local college's "Department of Meteors" for two-hundred bucks.  Then he gets some "meteor shit" on him and his dream turns into a nightmare.

Something to Tide You Over

Another great story.  This time around Ted Danson and Gaylen Ross get on the wrong side of Leslie Neilson and end up acting out a pre-THE VANISHING (1988 version) roleplay on a beach.  You'll never look THE NAKED GUN the same ever again.

The Crate

The Crate is truly the highlight of the entire movie.  Not only is it straight-up unnerving and scary, but the acting is outstanding!  I'm not going to ruin it by giving away the story.  Let's just say some people at an old university find a crate hidden away under a staircase and it was hidden for a reason!  Great acting, great pacing, great character development, great lighting, great special effects...The Crate is fucking swell.

They're Creeping Up on You!

I have some mixed feelings on this one.  Not because it's bad, no it's an excellent story, but it's too goddamn icky for me to enjoy.  I still watch it anytime CREEPSHOW is on, but I usually have my handsome face scrunched up like a Taco Bell-eating billy goat just blasted thirteen dry-wet farts right up my handsome nostrils. E. G. Marshall did a really good job in this segment.

The five stories are book-ended by a short prologue and epilogue featuring a father talking mad shit to his young son about how horror comics are a bunch of "horror crap".  He throws away the comic, but the boy soon gets his revenge for his dad being such a pain in the neck.

Yeah, CREEPSHOW is old as fuck, but it's still enjoyable.  Honestly, the only standout thing that I would change is a wider shot when garbage collector Tom Savini throws that metal trashcan. Looks like he got some serious air on it.

Part 2 - Creepshow 2 (1987)
Part 3 - Creepshow 3 (2006)