Wednesday, March 27, 2024


A wealthy woman is still in love with her worthless husband despite the fact that he spends nearly all of his spare time shacked up with some nasty skank down at the local watering hole.  He doesn’t even try to hide that shit either!  One evening, the wife is driving home in a rage when she sees a spaceship in the road.  She jumps out of her whip and runs away.  The local police can’t find any proof of her story, so she continues home where she bickers with her husband and then falls asleep.  It’s exciting stuff.  Things go around and around like this with the local cops doing next to nothing, the husband cheating and the wife getting pissed off for 56 minutes of the film’s 66-minute runtime.  Finally, with the film nearly over, the spurned woman grows to 50 feet tall and goes in search of that silver-tongued ding-a-ling slinger she calls a husband.

Whatever genius came up with the expression “Don’t judge a book by its cover.” back 73,000 million hundred years ago was probably referring to ATTACK OF THE 50 FOOT WOMAN.  The poster (with artwork by Reynold Brown) has passed the test of time and become one of the most iconic posters of the 1950’s science fiction boom, but the movie itself is a stinker.  Short runtime, crap special effects, below average acting (the deputy was especially annoying), a person who "pulled a boner", boring script, abrupt ending, low budget, small cast and sets that consist of a house, a bar, some random fields and a small street. People bad mouth PLAN 9 FROM OUTER SPACE, but I think that film is way better than AOT50FW.

Worth watching for those who are curious, but most others will probably end up falling asleep and dream of something more exciting.

Remake - Attack of the 50 Ft. Woman (1993)

Sunday, March 24, 2024

THE FIRM (1993)

Law student Tom Cruise is a big ol’ dummy.  He might be smart enough to graduate from Harvard Law School, but he must have just got off last night’s bus from Stupidsville when he decided to take a job at an evil law firm populated by “all white, all male, all married” nerds who look like they just stepped out of THE STEPFORD WIVES.  Things go peachy for a few days, but then before you can say “I wish a hyped-up black church choir would cover Boston’s ‘Let Me Take You Home Tonight’.” ol’ Tommy Cruise is running super fast all over the joint, sweatin’ up a storm, with none other than a long-haired, albino Jigsaw economically jogging behind him with a surprisingly smooth gait.

I’m by no means an expert (on anything) on legal thrillers from the 1990’s, but THE FIRM seemed fine to me.  The 154-minute runtime passed by quickly enough and I was entertained from beginning to end.  Also, the cast was very impressive!  If I had to make some complaints, it would be that the evil law firm wasn’t evil enough.  Also, the Memphis setting was dull and unattractive to look at.  And that piano-heavy soundtrack!  Oh my god, I love the piano, but that was too goddamn much!

Overall, THE FIRM is too safe for its own good, but still watchable thanks to an outstanding cast.