BARBIE (2023)

"You guys ever think about dying?"

Things seem to be pretty chill in Barbieland. If you are one of the more popular Barbies. Our hero, "Stereotypical Barbie" (Margot Robbie), is quite popular and every day is a happy-go-lucky series of events like playing volleyball at the beach, having a dance party in front of her dream home and a slumber party with a dozen of her closest girlfriends. She also might even spend a few seconds away from her important daily activities to acknowledge that her boyfriend "Beach Ken" (Ryan Gosling) is alive. All of that eternal bliss comes crashing down one evening when Barbie starts to have thoughts about death. Sweet lovely death.

BARBIE is a fantastic movie. I’ve seen it many times and every time I smile non-stop at Margot Robbie and Ryan Gosling’s performances. Which, strangely enough, outside of the visual look of the film and cinematography are the only good things about BARBIE. It’s weird to be such a fan of the film and dislike nearly the entire cast, nearly all of the songs and the script, but it is what it is and I just accept it. Ryan Gosling’s facial expressions alone are worth watching the film.

I have a ton of thoughts about BARBIE, but honestly I’m way, way, way too depressed to be able to assemble them into any kind of readable order. I’ll probably update this review later on. For now though, if you have a soul, then just check it out. It’s super cute, full of thoughts about death and funny as fuck. Just like me.

And speaking of Dexter season 4, I would have much rather seen FBI Special Agent Frank Lundy marry Debra Morgan and they get a spin-off show where they’re a wife and husband serial killer hunter team. That would have been doe, I mean, dope. P.S. I have all the genitals.

THE OTHER GUYS (2010)

As punishment for being a dumbass, hot-headed NYPD detective Mark Wahlberg is teamed up with nerd cop Will Ferrell. Stuff happens, including a lot of filler that doesn't move the story forward, and eventually Wahlberg and Ferrell are on the case of a serial killer! Nope. A gang of hoods planning to rob a horse track?! Nope. How about a bunch of horny hobos who like to have illegal orgies in parked Priuses? That’s actually talked about, but nope they’re on the trail of a guy trying to steal some money over a computer transaction. Wow. How exciting.

As a comedy, I’d say that THE OTHER GUYS hits about 30% of the time. And hits really hard with some hilarious bits, but then the other 70% is just…nothing. It’s really odd. Uneven pacing, absolutely pointless narration that adds nothing to the film, lots of familiar faces in smaller roles, multiple scenes that could have been cut or removed completely, average acting, zero characters you'd ever want to meet in real life.

The “Dirty Mike and the Boys” stuff was really funny and should have been the main focus of the film. But it wasn’t and I could never see myself ever wanting to watch this movie ever again.