THE MEG (2018)

Scientist discover that the ocean has a basement.  While exploring this newfound area, they (being idiots) accidentally release two megalodon sharks.  One is big as fuck and the other one is really big as fuck.  Unfortunately, these two sharks don't bring along any good writers, because THE MEG, while it sounds exciting, is completely soulless.  After the sharks escape, instead of just wandering off into the ocean to never be seen again, they attack the underwater research facility where the scientist hang out.  That's not as exciting as it sounds, but it does give the scientists and friends reason to chase the sharks around for the rest of the movie.

I love killer animal movies.  Successful ones have strong character development capped off by an awesome second half full of the monster(s) wrecking shit non-stop.  (Or...the movie is just so bad and/or insane that you can't help but enjoy it.)  None of that happens in THE MEG.  Right from the start, the characters are all very bland and forgettable.  The shark itself looks cool, but it never goes crazy and starts ripping people apart.  The majority of the action is simply the sharks eating other animals with only the occasional human getting nibbled offscreen.  It's weak as hell.

That said, I was mildly entertained.  The movie itself looks nice and the pace moves along quickly enough to keep you from getting too bored, but with zero point zero percent chance of something wild or unexpecting happening, my mind did start to drift.  Like...I still don't understand why there hasn't been a killer animal movie where the critters attack a nudist colony!  Preferably it will be set in the 1980's and the critters main attack happens during the final round of an all-nude breakdancing contest.

Low body count, zero nudity, zero tension, boring action scenes, unrealistic dialogue, an annoying little kid that knows everything (vomit!), Jason Statham as "Jason Statham versus a giant shark", Rainn Wilson being 100% forgettable, Robert Taylor's acting talent wasted, absolutely zero concern for decompression, disappointing ending.

Not the worst giant killer animal movie ever (and I'm 100% positive that I'll end up watching the sequels), but for a sanitized, inoffensive time-waster it's not too bad.

[Update 08/25/2023: Saw Meg 2 or whatever it's called in the theater and it was fun. I'll post a new review for it once I get a blu-ray to take screenshots from.]

HIGH WALL (1947)

Things aren't looking so good for brain-damaged WWII vet Robert Taylor when he's found in a car wreck with his wife's dead body in the passenger seat.  And things look even worse when the cops discover that she was strangled to death before the wreck!  Taylor looks guilty as hell, but since he's unable to stand trial due to his chronic headaches that cause him to black out (he has no memory of the night in question), they simply toss him in a mental institution.  While there, he meets some doctors that are able to dust the cobwebs loose and...well, you just gotta see for yourself.

It's always sad to see an otherwise above average film crippled with a below average title, but that's the case with HIGH WALL.  What the hell does "high wall" even mean?  I guess it's referring to the wall around the mental institution, but the only time you ever see the wall is in the opening titles!  At no point in the film does anybody actually interact with the wall itself.  Who knows, maybe it's referencing the wall around Taylor's lost memories.  I have no clue, but whatever it's talking about, it's still a dull name for a movie.

Dull title aside, HIGH WALL was a good watch.  I really enjoy seeing Robert Taylor stretching out his acting chops and the story held my attention.  Interesting photography, good pace, nice lighting, solid supporting cast and it's always a pleasure to see Herbert Marshall in action.  He's just so smooth!

Recommended for fans of classic 40's noir.

QUO VADIS (1951)

Based on Henryk Sienkiewicz's bestselling 1896 novel of the the same name, QUO VADIS is a mammoth historical epic set in ancient Rome (around 64 A.D.).  It tells the story of a high-ranking Roman military hero (Robert Taylor) who falls in love with the beautiful Deborah Kerr, the adopted daughter of a retired general.  She also happens to be a Christian.  That's the main story, but while their relationship is entertaining the far more interesting relationship of the film is the one between Peter Ustinov's totally unhinged Emperor Nero and Leo Genn's level-headed Petronius, Nero's most trusted adviser who also happens to despise Nero.  Ustinov is spellbinding as the childlike Nero and Genn does a impressive job of portraying a man who must walk the extremely fine line of not only keeping Nero happy but somehow preventing Nero from doing psychotic stuff non-stop.

I doubt that QUO VADIS is even close to being historically accurate, but I don't care because I was looking to be entertained and QV did a great job of it.  A 171 minute runtime that simply flies by, good acting (especially Ustinov!), strong direction by Mervyn LeRoy, massive crowd scenes, Christianity that's not too heavy-handed, beautiful photography and some of the best matte paintings I've ever seen.  The craftsmanship that it took to get this film to look as good as it does must have been monumental.  It's easy to see how QUO VADIS was the #1 box office draw for 1951 and the main kickstarter for the whole historical epic boom of the 1950's.  Recommended.

Interesting poster that features a "Not Suitable for Children." warning.

This line is interesting because in Mervyn LeRoy's 1931 film LITTLE CAESAR, Edward G. Robinson's final words were "Is this the end of Rico?".