SPIDER-MAN: HOMECOMING (2017)

SPIDER-MAN: HOMECOMING is an awesome movie. I’ve always enjoyed the occasional Marvel Cinematic Universe movies that have passed in front of my incredibly handsome eyeballs, but it wasn’t until HOMECOMING that I actually connected emotionally with the characters and story to the point that I have now gone back and caught up with all of the MCU stuff.

In this (the 16th) installment of the MCU, we have a high school dude by the name of Peter “Penis” Parker who is a small-time superhero. Just you’re friendly neighborhood Spider-Man who uses his spider powers and badass superhero suit (provided to him by Tony Stark) to do stuff like stopping a guy from stealing a bicycle and give directions to an old lady. He’s also on the academic decathlon team and likes to hang out with his best friend, Ned. It’s totally awesome and, honestly, the entire movie could have just been about him getting cats out of trees and assembling a Lego Death Star with Ned and I would have been in movie heaven. But, a movie about Spider-Man playing board games with his buddy for two hours would have made about $666 at the box office, so…one evening while on patrol Spider-Man notices a small gang of criminals robbing an ATM with some badass gear made from the alien tech left over from the Battle of New York (in a previous MCU movie). Shit happens and next thing you know, there’s a dude in a high-tech vulture suit kicking Penis Parker’s pecker and spider balls up around his spider ears. It’s awesome. The entire movie is awesome! I’ve seen it like 30 times and I hope to watch it 30 more times before my handsome and chiseled buns shuffle off to that great gay bar in the sky. Twerking, line dancing, voguing, purple lasers and smoke everywhere. It’ll be **** tight, like a Bon Jovi concert.

The Infinity Saga

Phase One
Part 1 - Iron Man (2008)
Part 2 - The Incredible Hulk (2008)
Part 3 - Iron Man 2 (2010)
Part 4 - Thor (2011)
Part 5 - Captain America: The First Avenger (2011)
Part 6 - Marvel's The Avengers (2012)

Phase Two
Part 7 - Iron Man 3 (2013)
Part 8 - Thor: The Dark World (2013)
Part 9 - Captain America: The Winter Soldier (2014)
Part 10 - Guardians of the Galaxy (2014)
Part 11 - Avengers: Age of Ultron (2015)
Part 12 - Ant-Man (2015)

Phase Three
Part 13 - Captain America: Civil War (2016)
Part 14 - Doctor Strange (2016)
Part 15 - Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 (2017)
Part 17 - Thor: Ragnarok (2017)
Part 18 - Black Panther (2018)
Part 19 - Avengers: Infinity War (2018)
Part 20 - Ant-Man and the Wasp (2018)
Part 21 - Captain Marvel (2019)
Part 22 - Avengers: Endgame (2019)
Part 23 - Spider-Man: Far From Home (2019)

Phase Four
Part 24 - Black Widow (2021)
Part 25 - Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings (2021)
Part 26 - Eternals (2021)
Part 24 - Black Widow (2021)
Part 25 - Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings (2021)
Part 26 - Eternals (2021)
Part 27 - Spider-Man: No Way Home (2021)
Part 28 - Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness (2022)
Part 29 - Thor: Love and Thunder (2022)
Part 30 - Black Panther: Wakanda Forever (2022)

Phase Five
Part 31 - Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania (2023)
Part 32 - Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3 (2023)
Part 33 - The Marvels (2023)

IRON MAN (2008)

Billionaire inventor / industrialist Tony Stark (Robert Downey Jr.) is kidnapped by some smelly terrorist buttholes in Afghanistan.  Luckily for him though, they are some of the most oblivious captors in movie history and while he's been instructed to build them a single missile...he instead constructs a gigantic functioning suit of armor that has flame throwers, a missile launcher and can even fly!  Jesus wept!  Anyway, shit happens and once he gets back to his mansion workshop in California, he designs and builds an even better version of his "Iron Man" suit which he flies around and does all kinds of clever and entertaining things with.

IRON MAN is a very enjoyable superhero movie.  The script could have been spruced up a bit, but for what it is, it's definitely a well-made film that's easily watchable and re-watchable.  Uneven pace, dated technology, fun action scenes (the daytime ones much more than the nighttime bullshit), Suicidal Tendencies, disappointing final boss, a ghost drive, multiple corporate tie-ins, strong supporting cast, a fantastic performance by Robert Downey Jr., an "American cheeseburger", no explanation if the suit is climate-controlled inside or not, PG-13 rated violence.

IRON MAN is a fun time-waster.  Recommended.

The Infinity Saga

Phase One
Part 2 - The Incredible Hulk (2008)
Part 3 - Iron Man 2 (2010)
Part 4 - Thor (2011)
Part 5 - Captain America: The First Avenger (2011)
Part 6 - Marvel's The Avengers (2012)

Phase Two
Part 7 - Iron Man 3 (2013)
Part 8 - Thor: The Dark World (2013)
Part 9 - Captain America: The Winter Soldier (2014)
Part 10 - Guardians of the Galaxy (2014)
Part 11 - Avengers: Age of Ultron (2015)
Part 12 - Ant-Man (2015)

Phase Three
Part 13 - Captain America: Civil War (2016)
Part 14 - Doctor Strange (2016)
Part 15 - Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 (2017)
Part 16 - Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)
Part 17 - Thor: Ragnarok (2017)
Part 18 - Black Panther (2018)
Part 19 - Avengers: Infinity War (2018)
Part 20 - Ant-Man and the Wasp (2018)
Part 21 - Captain Marvel (2019)
Part 22 - Avengers: Endgame (2019)
Part 23 - Spider-Man: Far From Home (2019)

Phase Four
Part 24 - Black Widow (2021)
Part 25 - Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings (2021)
Part 26 - Eternals (2021)
Part 24 - Black Widow (2021)
Part 25 - Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings (2021)
Part 26 - Eternals (2021)
Part 27 - Spider-Man: No Way Home (2021)
Part 28 - Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness (2022)
Part 29 - Thor: Love and Thunder (2022)
Part 30 - Black Panther: Wakanda Forever (2022)

Phase Five
Part 31 - Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania (2023)
Part 32 - Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3 (2023)
Part 33 - The Marvels (2023)