COWBOYS & ALIENS (2011)

Hollywood cowboys vs. Hollywood aliens.

Cowboy Daniel Craig wakes up in the middle of nowhere. He has amnesia and some metal contraption clamped on his left wrist. Before he can even get his bearings, three scruffy looking dudes (who probably smell like poo-poo) ride up and start talking shit. Craig beats the crap out of them...so obviously, he knows how to fight. He then travels to the nearest town where it becomes apparent that he is a wanted criminal. After some more fighting, he's arrested and then while being loaded up into the paddy wagon...aliens attack!  During the attack the metal device on Craig's arm activates and he uses it to shoot down one of the alien vehicles. The next morning, Craig joins a posse and they head off in search of the aliens who kidnapped some people during the attack.

With a title like COWBOYS & ALIENS, I was expecting the film to be a little campy, like TREMORS, but instead C&A comes across like it almost wanted to be serious...I think. What do I know? But with the torture scene, the deaths, the alien experiments, the ominous lighting and the semi-gritty tone, I think the film was going for a serious mood. Even worse than the mixed tone signals is the slow pace. Jesus Christ, I was damn near going into a coma waiting for something to happen and then when it did...it was still boring!!! And who came up wit the idea of gold rustling, shell-less turtle aliens? What the fuck? Ahhhh, fuck it. Watch the movie if you want, it's not horrible, just completely lacking in imagination and cleverness. I could have written a better script than this soulless snoozer without even breaking a sweat.  It did have a great cast though.  If you need me I'll be in my room watching TREMORS and THE LAST STARFIGHTER.

One interesting thing the filmmakers could have done, but I guess it wasn't legally possible, was have Harrison Ford's character lose an alien artifact and then have Indiana Jones find it in the next Indy movie.

A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET (2010)

I wasn't against a "reboot" of the ELM STREET franchise, mainly because some of the latter films were junk, but this remake is completely bland and soulless. It's shot in an ultraslick way that I dislike, the story is simply an unoriginal abbreviated version of bits and pieces of various moments from the original series, the actors are all (with the exception of Freddy himself and, of course, Clancy Brown) boring and forgettable, there's zero tension, loud jump scenes and loud noises throughout the movie, very little blood or gore, zero nudity and worse of all it doesn't push the envelope at all.

Freddy was a child molester, but yet when he returns from the dead and captures these kids he doesn't have any sexual desires at all and just kills them. I would really like to see a "reboot" of the ELM STREET series made by somebody that wouldn't be scared to get into the dark psychological elements of the story. David Lynch would be a interesting choice. I'd even be happy just reading a novelization of the story by somebody like Brian Keene or Edward Lee. Now that would be exciting!!!

I was worried that the new actor playing Freddy was gonna suck, but he was actually pretty good and at moments kinda scary...too bad the script was shit and he kinda looked like a fish with Down syndrome. Watch it if you want. It's watchable, just not very memorable.

Part 1 - A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984)
Part 2 - A Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy's Revenge (1985)
Part 3 - A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors (1987)
Part 4 - A Nightmare on Elm Street 4: The Dream Master (1988)
Part 5 - A Nightmare on Elm Street 5: The Dream Child (1989)
Part 6 - Freddy's Dead: The Final Nightmare (1991)
Part 7 - Wes Craven's New Nightmare (1994)
Freddy vs Jason (2003)