DEATH WISH (2018)

Meh.  I think the word "meh" not only accurately summarizes my feelings about this remake of 1974's DEATH WISH, but also my feelings about Eli Roth's entire directorial output up until this point.  CABIN FEVER?  It had it's moments. HOSTEL?  Yawn. THE GREEN INFERNO?  Double yawn.

Anyway, after quickly showing Bruce Willis with his picture perfect family and establishing that he's a "pussy", we get to the moment where his family is attacked.  And...it's about as lifeless and non-threatening as you would expect from an Eli Roth joint. After the PG-rated attack scene, ol' Bruce gets good and mad.  So mad that he starts watching online instructional videos about guns and self-defense!  Wow, that's so exciting.  Eventually, he does go out and gets his blast on, but it's completely by-the-numbers and boring.  The End.

Computer-generated blood, illogical story, lifeless photography, "I'm just here to collect a paycheck." acting, weak action scenes, zero nudity, zero thrills, soulless emotional scenes.  Worst of all was the annoying social commentary by the radio DJ's.  That was straight torture to listen to.  It subtracted from the film by even being there.

DEATH WISH (2018) isn't the worst thing in the world, just lame and forgettable.  You'd probably be better off just taking a nap.

Part 1 - Death Wish (1974)
Part 2 - Death Wish II (1982)
Part 3 - Death Wish 3 (1985)
Part 4 - Death Wish 4: The Crackdown (1987)
Part 5 - Death Wish V: The Face of Death (1994)

THE GREEN INFERNO (2013)

A group of ultradouchers quit smelling their own farts long enough to travel to South America to save a remote village from getting bulldozed by loggers.  The villagers repay their kindness by chopping them up and eating them for lunch...and dinner..and breakfast...and maybe even a few leftovers for a mid-morning snack.  The End.

Other than eye-rolling annoyance for the first 40 minutes or so, I didn't really have any emotions during THE GREEN INFERNO.  The activists during the first act were unbearably annoying and when the cannibals finally showed up the the second act I just found them to be boring.  Then when the victims were captured and taken to the village I was hoping for some APOCALYPTO-style jungle chase excitement or maybe some RAMBO: FIRST BLOOD PART II escape and running around in the jungle action, but no.  Instead there was just a bunch of sitting in a wooden cage bitching and moaning interrupted by the occasional cannibal feasting scene.

I can only imagine that being captured by a village full of cannibals would be mind-destroyingly terrifying, but unfortunately none of that terror is expressed in THE GREEN INFERNO.  I had zero compassion for the main characters.  I hated them all.  And even when they were captured I still didn't give a shit.  And on the other side of the spectrum, the villagers were all bland.  The one standout was the yellow and black-painted guy but he didn't come off as being a badass or anything, just unique looking.

Overall, THE GREEN INFERNO is a watchable film, but just kind of soulless and meh.