THE SADNESS (2021)

Taipei, Taiwan. Not a lot of story up in this one. A dude drops his girlfriend off at the train station (so she can go to work) and while he’s heading back home…a full on zombie apocalypse happens. And not with the older style shuffling zombies either, but the mean-spirited, Brian Keene-style rape zombies that want nothing more than to cut you open and fuck your bleeding wounds. So now, the rest of the movie is our two heroes trying to get back to each other while getting the shit kicked out of them each step of the way. Which, oddly enough, is pretty much the same story as the 2016 zombie outbreak movie SEOUL STATION.

I enjoyed THE SADNESS, but it just wasn’t violent enough and the story / character development / world building was almost non-existent. I wanted to like the two main characters, but with almost no information given about them, I didn’t give much of a shit about what happened to them. Especially since both of them made some dumb decisions and the ending was telegraphed midway through the film. That said, it’s still worth watching and has a few awesome moments (the subway car bloodbath and the old lady in the cafe were my favorites). I just wanted more! Hopefully there's a Part 2 and it will go completely insane.

Here's some zombie nudity for you weirdos.

How considerate of the zombies to use a bendy baseball bat.

MORITURIS (2011)

Fucking awful.

As with most of the stuff I watch, I went into MORITURIS without knowing anything ahead of time. And goddamn it if I didn’t piss a pickle with this motherfucker. The mental and visual torture starts with a completely unneeded opening scene that darn near made me give up on this turkey altogether. Ninety minutes later, I wish I had watched some German in Venice videos on YouTube instead.

Two female geniuses decide it would be a good idea to take a road trip with three creepy male strangers (who definitely don’t give off rapist vibes literally the first minute they’re on the screen) to an illegal rave in the woods. After thirty minutes of stimulating conversations about how the moon can be drawn by drawing a circle, a bear is not a horse and how “the first thing aboriginals learn are names of genitals”, our heroes arrive at their secluded destination. Eventually, around the 56 minute mark…gladiator zombies attack. Slowly.

The idea of zombie gladiators is okay, I guess. Kinda goofy, but whatever, I’m willing to give it a chance. I mean, hey, the skeletons in JASON AND THE ARGONAUTS were awesome. But nope, these dudes suck. There’s literally nothing cool about them. They all move like they’re wearing an invisible 1800's diving suit and look like they’ve been evenly sprayed with some kind of fake dust powder. Plus, the kills were silly.

Cast populated with characters that I hated, night scenes that look like they were filmed inside Satan’s asshole, multiple uses of the n-word that should have gone in the trash can along with the multiple rape scenes, cringe dialogue that made me feel sorry for the future of humanity, extremely slow pace, multiple moving corpses (breathing, toes wiggling, arms moving), many nude scenes but it was all mean-spirited and during rape scenes so I'm not posting any of that shit.

Honestly, I cannot think of a reason why anybody should ever watch this film. I wish I never had.  Skip it with a vengeance and never look back.