THE FACULTY (1998)

"Guaranteed to jack you up."

 

Borrowing heavily from the INVASION OF THE BODY SNATCHERS idea, THE FACULTY is about a small group of teenagers who start to notice weird shit going on at their high school.  Turns out the faculty and most of their fellow students have been taken over by some outer space buttholes and if they don't stop 'em they're gonna take over the world!

 

As far as high school sci-fi horror movies go, THE FACULTY isn't too bad.  If you saw it as a teen back in '98 you probably have a special affection for it, but even without that it still holds up alright.  The story is about as unoriginal as it gets, but the acting is good and it was a lot of fun seeing a young Elijah Wood gettin' all stressed out and chased by a multi-tentacled monster.  Poorly lit (fake) topless scene, nice pace, worms, boring direction, a mic hanging down into the shot, a Venom shirt, a little blood, stereotypical high school cliques, zero gore.

 

Would make an okay double-feature with DISTURBING BEHAVIOR.

DEEP IMPACT (1998)

Ahh yes, "The Great Asteroid/Comet Battle of 1998". DEEP IMPACT vs. ARMAGEDDON. Who could forget it? It was almost as exciting as "The Great Volcano Battle of 1997"!

One quiet evening, some young amateur astronomers are looking up at the sky when what do they see, but a gigantic comet headed straight for Earth! Holy fook!!! It's actually not that straightforward, but soon enough, word gets out that we're all going to die and everyone goes bonkers...dogs and cats living together...mass hysteria! But wait! Humanity has one last chance to survive in the form of a huge spaceship filled with brave astronauts that is going to travel out to the comet, drill holes, insert bombs and explode that bitch! There's also a side story about a national lottery that will give 800,000 Americans access to a newly build bomb shelter in Missouri that will survive the impact, but then they'd have to live in Missouri.  Just kidding, I've never been to Missouri, I'm sure it's fine.

Compared to ARMAGEDDON, DEEP IMPACT is more serious and in some ways a better film, but, as far as pure entertainment goes, ARMAGEDDON is the clear winner.  I did really like how DEEP IMPACT started out with the investigative reporter digging for clues.  That was a lot of fun.  The revelation about the impending disaster was cool too.  The place where DI falters is the very ending.  It's way too abrupt and not even close to satisfying.

Zero nudity, zero Aerosmith songs, touching moments overload, 90's-level CG destruction, good pacing, explosive outgassing, okay acting.  DEEP IMPACT is entertaining, especially the first half, but the ratio of sappy emotional moments vs. destruction was way off.

Fun rainy afternoon time-waster. I honestly watch it a few times a year. Seriously.