RAMBO: FIRST BLOOD PART II (1985)

After blowing up half the town of Jerkwater, U.S.A. in the first film, Vietnam War veteran John J. Rambo is tossed in the slammer where he passes the time breaking rocks with a sledgehammer.  Three years later, he's offered a pardon if he accepts a mission to sneak into Vietnam and locate some suspected American prisoners of war.  He accepts, but it's not until he's about to take off on his mission that he learns he's only suppose to photograph the American prisoners, not rescue them.  Things don't go quite as planned.

RAMBO: FIRST BLOOD PART II is one of the best 1980's action movies of all time.  Great acting, awesome explosions, badass sound effects, tons of people getting shot and stabbed and blown the fuck up, torture, memorable bad guys, a very well-written script that keeps the story moving along at a lightning pace, explosive arrows, leeches, strong cast full of familiar faces, a helicopter dogfight, a pit full of pig pee-pee, the guy from Cobra Kai getting kneed in the nuts.  It's awesome!

I could go on about this film for hours, but nobody wants to hear my ramblin' ass bullshit.  If you're interested in the history of action movies and / or American Cinema, then double-feature FIRST BLOOD followed by this film.  Or...if you really want to explode yer ballsack up through the roof of your mouth...double-feature Rambo 2 with DEADLY PREY.

Part 1 - First Blood (1982)
Part 3 - Rambo III (1988)
Part 4 - Rambo (2008)
Part 5 - Rambo: Last Blood (2019)

DEMOLITION MAN (1993)

"...shit-brained, fuck-faced, ball-brained, duck-fucking..."

In 1996 things are going to be all kinds of fucked up. Crime rate through the roof, dogs and cats not living together, Will Smith having the #1 movie at the yearly box office…it’s going to be a real shitshow. Luckily though, we have bungee-jumping maniac cop, John Spartan (Sylvester Stallone), to save the day by going into a building to save some hostages after they’ve been murdered and then accidentally destroying the bodies by provoking the bad guy, Simon Phoenix (Wesley Snipes), into blowing up the building. Long story short, both Spartan and Phoenix get sentenced to lengthy stints in the new “California Cryo-Penitentiary”. Fast-forward to 2032 and the Los Angeles area is now a Pleasantville/1984-style hell paradise with zero crime, rat burgers and Dan Cortese playing piano at Taco Bell. It’s a real shitshow. Phoenix is thawed out for a parole hearing and promptly escapes, so thanks to being unable to deal with actual crime, the police also thaw out legendary crime fighter Spartan to help bring Phoenix to justice. It’s all just an elaborate excuse to have Stallone and Snipes beating the crap out of each other in the future…and it works because DEMOLITION MAN is fun from beginning to end.

Cheesy script, cheesy direction, campy dialogue, horrible subtitles on the DVD that are often incorrect, goofy prediction of what the future will be like, a brief Jack Black sighting, topless woman video calling the wrong number, a museum with functioning weapons, three seashells, ugly ass futuristic cars, a lot of dark coloured clothing, virtual sex, medium pace, mild violence, strong supporting cast, a disappointingly inconstant foul language counting machine, boring camerawork.

DEMOLITION MAN is very dated, but still a fun ride. Especially for fans of 1990's action movies. A good lazy afternoon time-waster. It might even be a good double-feature with the superior CLIFFHANGER, if you're in the mood for a little 1993-era Sylvester Stallone.

If you need me, I'll be in my room applying Baby Yoda Band-Aids to my battered butthole after an unfortunate seashell accident.