LUST IN THE DUST (1985)

Under the "blistering, burning, blazing, scorching, roasting, toasting, baking, boiling, broiling, steaming, searing, sizzling, grilling, smoldering, very hot New Mexico sun" lays the small settlement of Chile Verde.  It's not much to look at.  Just a bar, a few buildings, an outdoor shower and a gate where they lynch somebody every Saturday night, but travelers still come from all over...in search of gold!

One such traveler is Divine.  After being gang raped (off screen) by some outlaws (including Geoffrey Lewis, Woody Strode and Pedro Gonzalez Gonzalez!), she latches onto traveling gunslinger Tab Hunter.  Together they show up in Chile Verde.  Divine is looking to be a singer, but sadly only gets to sing one song (which is the highlight of the movie). Tab sticks around because he's looking for the secret treasure that is rumored to be hidden in Chile Verde.  Some of the others looking for the gold are local priest Cesar Romero, bar owner Lainie Kazan and local whore Gina Gallego.

Despite the sinful title, LUST IN THE DUST is surprisingly tame.  Yeah, the subject matter is rough and there's a lot of raunchy stuff talked about, but very little happens onscreen.  And that is the films biggest downfall.  It's too restrained.  As a straight Western, it's fairly entertaining and Tab Hunter plays a great cowboy, but there's too much goofy humor.  As a campy Western...there wasn't enough goofy humor.  I think it would have been a better film if it had been crazier...and with more of Divine singing.  Still, it's an entertaining low-budget time-waster with a surprising cast.

NATIONAL LAMPOON'S EUROPEAN VACATION (1985)

"Typical American assholes."

Thanks to a tired script, NATIONAL LAMPOON'S EUROPEAN VACATION is actually more dated than the original Vacation film released 2 years earlier!

The film opens with an amusing game show scene, in which the Griswold's (or Griswald as it's spelt on his passport) win a trip to Europe.  After that, it's mostly downhill with cheap sets, bizarre editing, stock footage, pointless scenes, a boring car chase scene, completely underused European locations, hideous fashions and numerous jokes that are dead on arrival.  On the bright side...it's still totally watchable.  Chevy Chase has his moments, some familiar faces (Eric Idle, Paul Bartel, John Astin, Ballard Berkeley, William Zabka, etc.) brighten things up, two nice topless scenes, hideous fashions, quick pace and strangely enough...some of the dead humor is now so lame that it's actually become funny to laugh at.

I feel (as a highly-paid professional film critic) that I should probably have more to say about EUROPEAN VACATION, but honestly the subject bores me and I'd much rather move on to the next film in the series, NATIONAL LAMPOON'S CHRISTMAS VACATION, which is one of my favorite 80's movies of all time!  "Shitter was full!"

Part 1 - National Lampoon's Vacation (1983)
Part 3 - National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation (1989)
Part 4 - Vegas Vacation (1997)
Part 5 - Vacation (2015)

Lame pre-1972 stock footage that doesn't even show the World Trade Center.