THE FOG (1980)

Turn down the air condition and set your alarm clock...The Sleep Fog is coming!

The small coastal town of Antonio Bay is turning 100 years-old.  To commemorate this occasion, the townsfolk (all 40 or so of them) gather in a parking lot and light candles.  Sounds like fun.  At the same time, the ghosts of a leper colony that was massacred 100 years ago rise from their watery graves and start wreckin' shit.  And by "wreckin' shit" I mean they make lights turn on/off, set off car alarms, break windows and kill five people.  Five whole people.  How exciting!  Especially exciting when you can't really see any of the kills because of all the goddamn fog!

I'm not sure why THE FOG is so favorably remembered.  It's currently at 6.8/10 on IMDb, but it should be more like a 3/10.  The movie blows.  Looking at the posters, blu-ray/DVD covers, etc. you're expecting a small town overrun by a fog that rolls in concealing a shuffling horde of pirate zombies hellbent on ripping off the faces and dicks of every human in town while ramming a cargo hook up their assholes.  Instead, we get a turtle-speed story about a lame radio DJ smoothtalkin' over dickless smooth jazz, while in town nothing happens.  Just a bunch of bullshit we've all seen a million times: knocking sounds, talking around a fire, hands busting through windows, numerous references to other horror stuff, lights flickering, glass shattering, mysterious shadows, a truck getting stuck in the mud, creeping around, glowing eyes, spooky voices, yawning...oh wait, that was me.

If you're curious to see what horror stuff John Carpenter did after his legendary HALLOWEEN then it's worth checking out THE FOG to satisfy your curiosity, but if you're looking to see what horror stuff John Carpenter did after his legendary HALLOWEEN that was actually worth a fuck then you'd be better off watching THE THING or PRINCE OF DARKNESS.  If you need me, I'll be in my room reading Brian Keene & J. F. Gonzalez' "Clickers III" or maybe exploring Fallout 4's Far Harbor with Dogmeat.

2005 remake - The Fog (2005)

Californians(?) [???] my college [???] to work writing dumb shit in this fucking movies props, Being one. It's time to bring in the the words guide or the big tits, tatoos and shaved beavers. [???] know horny [???] would go [???] of that

PSYCHO?

HALLOWEEN H20: 20 YEARS LATER (1998)

I don't really see how anybody involved with this movie could be proud of it. Completely ignoring Parts 3 - 6, Part 7, excuse me, I mean Part H20 picks up 20 years later and explains that Laurie faked her death and is now the dean of a elite private school in California. Nothing wrong with that really, just as long as Michael is an ultimate badass...and he's not. Instead, his mask looks like he's auditioning for a Slipknot cover band and he has zero personality. I've read that the actor who played Michael had never seen a HALLOWEEN movie before so he just decided "to tackle the role blindly". Well, he had about as much success tackling the role as Helen Keller would tackling that chicken from ROCKY II.

On top of the Shitty Michael aspect, the script is weak as fuck with zero scares. Laurie has a 17 year-old son who attends the school. All of the students are suppose to be on a school trip, but the boy and three friends ditch and hide out in the bowels of the school to par-tay. That's a good idea and it could have been used for some real scares.  Instead, Mike shows up, quickly kills a few of them, then Laurie suddenly decides she's fucking Ripley from ALIENS and goes after Michael. I guess this is seen as some kind of closure for Laurie's character, but I would have been happier with some kind of entertainment for the audience.

Worth watching, I guess, if you're a fan, but I was really disappointed. Zero nudity, zero gore, only a few drops of blood, multiple annoying jump scenes, low body count without any memorable kills, Janet Leigh's talent wasted and the ending was foreshadowed way in advance. Boring. Also why didn't Michael kill the people at the rest stop? What a pussy!

Part 1 - Halloween (1978)
Part 2 - Halloween II (1981)
Part 3 - Halloween III: Season of the Witch (1982)
Part 4 - Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers (1988)
Part 5 - Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers (1989)
Part 6 - Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers (1995)
Part 8 - Halloween: Resurrection (2002)
Remake 1 - Halloween (2007)
Remake 2 - Halloween II (2009)
Sequel to Original - Halloween (2018)
Direct Sequel 2 - Halloween Kills (2021)
Direct Sequel 3 - Halloween Ends (2022)

Article incorrectly states the original massacre happened in 1968.