Wednesday, December 29, 2010


I'm glad I saw 5 CENTIMETERS PER SECOND before I saw this film. Otherwise I might have just skipped over 5 CENTIMETERS all together. TPPIOED is a beautifully animated film, but it's fucking sloooow. 5 CENTIMETERS was light years better.

In an alternate post-WWII universe Japan is divided into two sections. There is this huge tower climbing all the way into the clouds and coming out of that tower is another universe, but Earth is safe because the invading universe is held back by the dreams of a young girl who's been asleep for 3 years. Confused yet? So was I and I'm not a hundred percent sure I even got that right.

There's also two teenage boys who are making their own airplane to go and see the tower up close. They discover the story about the sleeping girl so...ohhhh I'm so confused! The animation is gorgeous, but the script is a mess. After 5 CENTIMETERS I was really excited about this movie, but it bored me to tears. I'll never watch it ever again.

MICMACS (2009)

[Update 10/11/2021: Need to redo this review completely. Fix the screenshots also.]

From the creator of DELICATESSEN and THE CITY OF LOST CHILDREN comes a version of YOJIMBO if it was made by, uhhh...well, the creator of DELICATESSEN and THE CITY OF LOST CHILDREN with a little bit of Buster Keaton/Charlie Chaplin thrown in.

Bazil is a video store worker who was shot in the head by a stray bullet. He looses his job and his brain is a little scrambled, so he becomes homeless and soon taken in by a "family" in a junkyard. Each member has a different unique semi-superpower. Together they gang up and attack the manufacture of the bullet that hit Bazil in the brain and their rival, a different company that made the landmine that killed Bazil's father. Their plan of attack: pit the two rivals against each other.

Enjoyable film and all of the wacky little inventions made of junk and the bizarre movie making techniques that you've come to expect from Jean-Pierre Jeunet are all here and very entertaining. The story though, was pretty weak and there was no tension. I never had a doubt in my mind that everything wouldn't turn out perfect. All the thousands of pieces of the puzzle would all come together perfectly no matter what. And they do. The time watching the movie flew by and I had fun, but I wish the story had been a little more substantial. Worth watching at least once.


Fucking horrible. The first sign that this movie was going to take the cock and suck it was the opening credits were stretched out to 9:53. WTF?! That's 3 minutes longer than even BLACK DEVIL DOLL FROM HELL! Now I'm curious as to what's the longest opening credits in a movie ever? Probably THE FUGITIVE. 

Anyway, five little brats (who are all completely insane) escape from a mental institution van on a snow-covered mountain road then crash the vacation home of some adults. Then in an almost anti-HOME ALONE scenario the children start setting up booby traps and killing the adults anytime they try to leave. That actually sounds kinda cool, but it's not. Far from it.

Zero tension, the children are annoying and the adults are all stupid. One of the kids (after killing a few people) actually pulls the "Look over there!" trick on a woman and she falls for it, runs out a door, gets gasoline dumped on her and then set on fire. If this movie was filmed like a super violent live action cartoon or as a HOME ALONE for deviant sadists this would have been the greatest horror movie of all time. Instead it about as exciting as watching a cooking show in a language you don't know on a upside-down TV.

I can't think of one reason to watch this movie, but I can think of a hundred reasons to skip it.

Tuesday, December 28, 2010


Ione Skye and Fairuza Balk are sisters living in a small New Mexico town where nothing ever happens.  There's no money because there's no jobs.  Their well-meaning mom works all the time as a waitress down at the truck stop, but because she works so much she's never home. The oldest girl passes all of her time with boys and the youngest watching movies down at the local movie theater.

Normal real life dramas happen: mom dates, the older girl gets fucked over by self-centered boys and the youngest searches for her father. Each of the women and the various men in their lives are well fleshed out, but I found my mind wandering during the movie. I really liked the story, but towards the end it became apparent it really wasn't going anywhere. Maybe that was the point of the movie, but I felt like the story needed a little more structure. The drama needed to be more raw. There were a few moments where I saw that flash of emotion I was looking for (the abortion argument, borrowing the $50, the kitchen arguments), but then the story would slow down again to a crawl. That's the fault of the script thought because the actors all did great jobs with what they were given, especially the three leads. I was also impressed with James Brolin's brief appearance. He really is a great actor.

I don't want to sound too negative about this movie though, I actually liked it despite its flaws and would watch it again.

Monday, December 27, 2010


A large drugstore opens in a small town and four of the local business owners plan a revolt...until they meet Obayashi, a sexy drugstore employee who they all get the hots for instantly. They stalk her and learn that she plays lacrosse, so naturally they do the wise thing and start playing lacrosse themselves! And it fucking works! She finds out that they've been playing lacrosse and decides that she'll be their coach. Things snowball and before you know it they're playing other teams including a bunch of old housewives and some Native American Indians.

The story is wacky and makes very little sense, but yet somehow I enjoyed it and found it to be a fun and sweet bubblegum movie.  If you like silly movies, then check it out.