Hollywood cowboys vs. Hollywood aliens.
Cowboy Daniel Craig wakes up in the middle of nowhere. He has amnesia and some
metal contraption clamped on his left wrist. Before he can even get his
bearings, three scruffy looking dudes (who probably smell like poo-poo) ride up
and start talking shit. Craig beats the crap out of them...so obviously, he
knows how to fight. He then travels to the nearest town where it becomes
apparent that he is a wanted criminal. After some more fighting, he's arrested
and then while being loaded up into the paddy wagon...aliens attack!
During the attack the metal device on Craig's arm activates and he uses it to
shoot down one of the alien vehicles. The next morning, Craig joins a posse and
they head off in search of the aliens who kidnapped some people during the
attack.
With a title like COWBOYS & ALIENS, I was expecting the film to be a little
campy, like
TREMORS, but instead C&A comes across like it almost wanted to be serious...I
think. What do I know? But with the torture scene, the deaths, the alien
experiments, the ominous lighting and the semi-gritty tone, I think the film was
going for a serious mood. Even worse than the mixed tone signals is the slow
pace. Jesus Christ, I was damn near going into a coma waiting for something to
happen and then when it did...it was still boring!!! And who came up wit the
idea of gold rustling, shell-less turtle aliens? What the fuck? Ahhhh, fuck it.
Watch the movie if you want, it's not horrible, just completely lacking in
imagination and cleverness. I could have written a better script than this
soulless snoozer without even breaking a sweat. It did have a great cast
though.
One interesting thing the filmmakers could have done,
but I guess it wasn't legally possible, was have Harrison Ford's character lose
an alien artifact and then have Indiana Jones find it in the next Indy movie.
