Hollywood cowboys vs. Hollywood aliens.
Cowboy Daniel Craig wakes up in the middle of nowhere. He has amnesia and some
metal contraption clamped on his left wrist. Before he can even get his
bearings, three scruffy looking dudes (who probably smell like poo-poo) ride up
and start talking shit. Craig beats the crap out of them...so
obviously, he knows how to fight. He then travels to the nearest town where it
becomes apparent that he is a wanted criminal. After some more fighting, he's
arrested and then while being loaded up into the paddy wagon...aliens
attack! During the attack the metal device on Craig's arm activates and he
uses it to shoot down one of the alien vehicles. The next morning, Craig joins a
posse and they head off in search of the aliens who kidnapped some people
during the attack.
With a title like COWBOYS & ALIENS, I was expecting the film to be a little
campy, like
TREMORS, but instead C&A comes across like it almost wanted to be serious...I
think. What do I know? But with the torture scene, the deaths, the alien
experiments, the ominous lighting and the semi-gritty tone, I think the film was going
for a serious mood. Even worse than the mixed tone signals is the slow pace. Jesus
Christ, I was damn near going into a coma waiting for something to happen and
then when it did...it was still boring!!! And who came up wit the idea of gold
rustling, shell-less turtle aliens? What the fuck? Ahhhh, fuck it. Watch the
movie if you want, it's not horrible, just completely lacking in imagination and
cleverness. I could have written a better script than this soulless snoozer
without even breaking a sweat. It did have a great cast though. If you need me I'll be in my room watching
TREMORS and THE LAST STARFIGHTER.
One interesting thing the
filmmakers could have done, but I guess it wasn't legally possible, was have
Harrison Ford's character lose an alien artifact and then have Indiana Jones
find it in the next Indy movie.
