NIGHT OF THE COMET (1984)

The Earth passes through the tail of a comet. The majority of humans (those who looked directly at the comet) are turned into dust.  The remaining survivors are either slowly dying, turned into zombies or completely normal.  Two of the latter are Regina and Samantha, two twenty-something year-old "teenagers", who, after mourning for a few minutes, go to the mall for a shopping spree!  Yaayyy!!!

That actually sounds like an interesting idea for a movie, but it wasn't.  Instead of a cleverly written story with some terminally upbeat teenage girls in the middle of a zombie outbreak (I'm thinking THE YOUNG GRADUATES meets DAWN OF THE DEAD here), we get the boring story of two boring young women with boring personalities who honestly don't do much of anything.  Just lots of standing around and talking with only a few minutes worth of action.  Sub 80's television-level action, at that!

I'm sure there are of fans of NIGHT OF THE COMET, and I'm glad that you enjoyed it, but for a movie with such potential (unexpected zombies, a blonde high school cheerleader in distress, 80's fashions, extreme population reduction, cool movie posters, arcade video game cabinets, a movie theater, great supporting cast, a secret military base, etc.), I found the whole thing to be disappointing.

If you need me, I'll be in my room watching THE RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD or Catherine Mary Stewart's other 1984 film...the truly great THE LAST STARFIGHTER.

Also, I swear to Satan, that animatronic clown is the same one in PEE-WEE'S BIG ADVENTURE. And speaking of Pee-wee Herman...how come there's never been a movie called PEE-WEE'S BIG HERMAN?

THE APPLE (1980)

You thought XANADU was weird? Well, it doesn't hold a candle THE APPLE on the weirdness meter. Even for the 70's this sucker was weird. I'm not even sure what the filmmakers, but I'm glad it turned out how it did because I love this movie! The songs are so energetic and the dancing so contagious that a couple of time I thought about jumping up and dancing around the room. Then I remembered that I would look like an asshole so I didn't.

In 1994 the world has been taken over by BIM music which is created by a Mr. Boogalow who also happens to be Satan. Two young folk singers (Adam and Eve?) come to his attention and he asks to sign them. The female (a very hot Catherine Mary Stewart) signs while her male partner refuses. Overnight she becomes the the most popular singer in the world, but not with folksy love songs but BIM music. The male becomes a heartbroken nobody and is even harassed by the ever present police when he refuses to wear the now mandatory BIM sticker (the Mark of the Beast?) on his face. He eventually joins a hippie cult that lives in a nearby cave. Will they ever get back together? Will BIM music take over the world?! Will I eventually dance around my living room?

Top 5 musical numbers: 1) the one where the male singer sees a vision of Hell, complete with an actual, actual, actual vampire! 2) the one where Mr. Boogalow explains how good he is at being a master. 3) the opening BIM song. 4) Speed!!! 5) the newly enacted but mandatory stop work and dance dance. I especially liked the dancing riot police.

If you love cheesy 70's/early 80's musicals like THE PIRATE MOVIE, PHANTOM OF THE PARADISE and XANADU then you need to check out THE APPLE as soon as possible. You're life depends on it! Everybody else will probably hate it.

I did notice in the trailer that there's some scenes not shown on the DVD version of the film. Does that means there's a longer cut out there somewhere? Maybe an extended cut would explain the bizarre ending.

I love the fact that the director, writer and producer of this film, Menahem Golan, went on to produce some of the greatest action movies of the 80's like AMERICAN NINJA, INVASION U.S.A., THE DELTA FORCE and MISSING IN ACTION 2!!! I watched all four of those movies hundreds of times when I was a kid. Somebody should write a book about that guy. He also produced the underrated TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE 2! "Dog will hunt."