POLYESTER (1981)

"Marry him?! Are you kidding? I'm getting an abortion and I can't wait!"

Francine Fishpaw (Divine) is not having a good week.  Not only does her pornographer husband leave her for a younger (and less hairy) woman, but her mentally insane teenage son turns out to be the notorious "Foot Stomper" (who's been going around town stomping on women's feet) and her teenage daughter has gotten knocked up by a local juvenile delinquent (and is so desperate to get an abortion that she's been hitting herself in the stomach with a hammer and throwing herself, stomach-first into pointy objects)...but not everything is bad news bears in Francine's life, because she's also been swept off her stinky feet by the super sexy Todd Tomorrow (Tab Hunter)!

POLYESTER might have a bigger budget and better production values than previous John Waters' films, but it's still pretty messed up.  Murder, forced underage prostitution, public humiliation, cocaine, abortion, blasphemy, human trafficking, foot fetish, sexual assault, physical assault, elderly abuse, cross-dressing, alcoholism, teenage pregnancy, pornography, adultery, underage drinking, underage drug use, mental illness, attempted suicide, nuns.  In other words...it's awesome!

Plus, it's Edith Massey and Cookie Mueller's last John Waters film, so what is there not to love?

THE DIANE LINKLETTER STORY (1970)

Rumored to have been made by John Waters and a few fellow Dreamlanders (to test a new camera) the day after Diane Linkletter's suicide, THE DIANE LINKLETTER STORY was never intended for public consumption, but yet...here we are.

At only 10 minutes long, there's not a lot going on.  Mary Vivian Pearce and David Lochary star as two concerned parents, sitting on their living room sofa, talking about their daughter's wild life style.  After a few minutes, the daughter (Divine) walks in and announces that she's high on LSD.  They send her to her room upstairs.  She goes and almost immediately climbs out the window and jumps to her death.  The parents look at her bloody corpse in horror as the closing lines of Art Linkletter's tacky "We Love You, Call Collect" plays.  The End.

There's not a lot to say.  The dialogue seems to be completely improvised...at one point all three actors are talking at one time.  There's no attempt at professional-looking camera work...it simply pans around and zooms in and out, but not too fast.  The film is very watchable.

Honestly, THE DIANE LINKLETTER STORY isn't much to look at, but it is an interesting look into early Dreamlander stuff.  And I'm always happy to watch Divine, Mary and David!

LUST IN THE DUST (1985)

Under the "blistering, burning, blazing, scorching, roasting, toasting, baking, boiling, broiling, steaming, searing, sizzling, grilling, smoldering, very hot New Mexico sun" lays the small settlement of Chile Verde.  It's not much to look at.  Just a bar, a few buildings, an outdoor shower and a gate where they lynch somebody every Saturday night, but travelers still come from all over...in search of gold!

One such traveler is Divine.  After being gang raped (off screen) by some outlaws (including Geoffrey Lewis, Woody Strode and Pedro Gonzalez Gonzalez!), she latches onto traveling gunslinger Tab Hunter.  Together they show up in Chile Verde.  Divine is looking to be a singer, but sadly only gets to sing one song (which is the highlight of the movie). Tab sticks around because he's looking for the secret treasure that is rumored to be hidden in Chile Verde.  Some of the others looking for the gold are local priest Cesar Romero, bar owner Lainie Kazan and local whore Gina Gallego.

Despite the sinful title, LUST IN THE DUST is surprisingly tame.  Yeah, the subject matter is rough and there's a lot of raunchy stuff talked about, but very little happens onscreen.  And that is the films biggest downfall.  It's too restrained.  As a straight Western, it's fairly entertaining and Tab Hunter plays a great cowboy, but there's too much goofy humor.  As a campy Western...there wasn't enough goofy humor.  I think it would have been a better film if it had been crazier...and with more of Divine singing.  Still, it's an entertaining low-budget time-waster with a surprising cast.