MONSTER MAN (2003)

Two annoying hyperdouchers, who cannot die soon enough, are on a road trip (on a backroad that seems to get very little traffic) when they're revved up on by a post-apocalyptic-looking monster truck. Later on, they’re joined by a hitchhiker. It’s exciting stuff.

I can only assume that MONSTER MAN was made as a JEEPERS CREEPERS clone. If so, then that’s cool, because JC wasn’t very good and it would therefore be an easy idea to improve upon. Or so you would think. I originally saw MONSTER MAN, back when it was a New Release on DVD, and (I think) I remember kinda liking it. (I most likely did because I own an ancient copy of it.) But time hasn’t been kind to MM and sitting through it again for this review was a fucking chore. Mainly because the two main characters are insufferable. Especially the dude named Harley. He wasn’t on the screen for even 15 seconds before I wanted to dropkick his goofy ass into the Creeper’s dead body pipe hole.

Slow pace, extremely annoying dialogue, zero nudity, very little blood or gore, most of the movie tinted in a weird orange and/or blue filter, overacting galore, weak direction, a very dude-heavy cast, disappointing ending, a lot of lines delivered as though they were jokes even though they weren’t funny…so maybe MONSTER MAN is actually a horror comedy? Fuck, I don’t know. I do know that I didn’t laugh at all and spent most of my time just wishing something would goddamn happen. It never did.

MONSTER MAN isn't a bad film as much as it's just a nothing film. Like, what’s even the artistic point of making a JEEPERS CREEPERS rip-off if all you’re gonna do is make an even shittier, weaker version?

Watch it if you want, just don't expect much.

BLOODY MISTAKE III (2009)

This will probably be the shittiest “review” (or whatever it is I do on here) on Happyotter, but there’s really nothing that I can say about this film without giving something away. It is just packed to the brim (even the very first scene) with awesome story revelations. The movie is only 67 minutes long but I was rewinding it and yelling so much that it probably took me over three hour to watch the whole thing. There’s so much going on in this movie, that I rewatched some of it today and even started drawing a diagram to figure out the story! It’s fucking awesome!

I doubt anybody who’s involved with this film will ever see this, but if you do: Thank you. I really mean it. I had so much fun watching this series that I’ve been smiling all week. And I’m already handsome as fuck so now I’m just that much more handsomeomererier or something with this big goofy grin on my mug.

Fuck me, that scene with Ken’s mom was one of the greatest moments in movie history. I was over here yelling “Ohhhhhhh!” like Andrew Dice Clay back in 1990.

Fuck it, if you love awesome movies, then you need to check out this entire series. And if anybody has anything else like this, then for the love of Satan please mail me that shit. My PO Box is listed somewhere around here.

Part 1 - Bloody Mistake (2009)
Part 2 - Bloody Mistake II (2009)

BLOODY MISTAKE II (2009)

I’m sure everybody remembers how Part 1 ended with the double-barrel shotgun blast of not one but two cliffhangers. The first being Ken staring at the maid’s butt and then Ken’s mom asking Princess if she loved Ken. Well, Part 2 takes up immediately where Part 1 left off with Ken walking outside to talk to his mom and Princess. Princess (once the mom leaves) telling Ken that she’s sore from Ken fucking her so hard! Or, at least, I think that’s what she said. For some reason the music in this film is literally at equal volume (or louder) than the dialogue and it was fucking me up. But in a good way since whatever I couldn’t understand I just added in myself. It was highly entertaining and honestly, I think Part 2 might even be better than Part 1!

Solid acting, great story that’s pretty much just Ken being a dumbass all the time (I loved it), new characters and old characters, lots of arguing, lots of new cliffhangers, a title screen that makes it look like the movie is called BLOODY II MISTAKE, super fast pace with new drama unfolding non-stop, multiple scenes where I was so excited that I had to rewind it to enjoy again, a very bizarre poster on Ken's wall. The only two complaints I have about the film are the mom character had way less screentime than she did in Part 1 and in one scene the mother of the young man Ken’s mom was fucking in Part 1 was watching television and it showed Sarah Palin. Ugggh! I’m trying to have a good time over here, nobody wants to see that reprehensible shit.

That one vomitous split-second scene aside, BLOODY MISTAKE II was fun from beginning to end. The 70 minute runtime flew by and I was legitimately upset when it ended. On yet another cliffhanger obviously.

Part 1 - Bloody Mistake (2009)
Part 3 - Bloody Mistake III (2009)