A MAN CALLED HORSE (1970)

Not to be confused with A Man Called Horse Pussy, A MAN CALLED HORSE is the unattractively filmed and surprisingly boring story of a dude who, way back in the day, is captured by Native American Indians.  You would think that that would be a bad thing and he'd be slowly tortured to death, but nope, this dude ends up having a better life than I do!  I’m over here so depressed that suicide won’t even cure my grief and this dude's walking around enjoying the daylight, playing a flute, leisurely picking berries as he flirts with a girl who lives in his tribe, hanging out with puppy dogs and riding a horse.  I say “his tribe” because his captors almost immediately take him in as one of their own and he’s given complete freedom to walk around and do whatever he wants.  Seems like a pretty chill life.  He even gets to work out his frustrations by occasionally killing members of other tribes.  Also, the “electrifying ritual” promised in the poster is completely voluntary!

Promising story idea that ends up being lame, zero tension, disappointing ending, slow pace, a few quick snippets of poorly shot nudity, boring action scenes, okay acting.  I wanted to like A MAN CALLED HORSE, but it ended up being a disappointment.  Watch it if you want, what the fuck do I care.

Part 2 - The Return of a Man Called Horse (1976)
Part 3 - Triumphs of a Man Called Horse (1983)

ORCA (1977)

After an opening scene that is so laughable that it almost seems like a warning to walk away, we're introduced to a crotchety old boat captain who concocts a plan to capture a live male orca.  Of course, being a heartless idiot with a shitty boat, all he ends up doing is slaughtering a female orca and her baby.  The female's baby daddy witnesses the whole horrible ordeal (as do we) and proceeds to spend the rest of the movie tormenting the captain. The End.

Films like ORCA, help me appreciate JAWS even more than I already do.  If you think about it, the basic story for JAWS was pretty simple: one individual shark (who happens to be very large) starts feeding on humans near a quiet fishing village/tourist destination...the humans fight back.  Bam!  That's all you need.  Unfortunately, the people behind ORCA decided that it's be a good idea to add a deeper psychological aspect to the story...guess what?  Nobody cares!  Audiences want to see sharks, whales, alligators, giant hamsters, wookalars, whatever gnawing on people and people fighting back...NOT a pregnant whale being chopped up and hoisted out of the ocean as it's giving birth and then the newborn being murdered!!!  That whole scene was just terrible, I hated it.  I was definitely on the side of the whale after that!

Misguided story aside, ORCA is okay...for a lower budget 1970's ripoff flick.  The pace moves along quickly enough, but the whole thing just looked like a movie.  The majority of the shots of the whales either looked fake as fuck or like shots of whales in captivity.  Passable acting from a cast that is too good for this script, depressing beginning and ending, topless scuba diver, lame kills, questionable scenes early on of live sharks that might or might not have been animal cruelty.

I didn't hate ORCA, but I damn sure never want to see it again. If you need me, I just be in my room watching JAWS again or maybe even THE GREAT ALLIGATOR or THE LAST SHARK.