8MM (1999)

Private dick Nicholas Cage is hired by a wealthy widow to discover the origin of a seemingly one-of-a-kind snuff film she found in her recently deceased husband’s private safe. Following the lead of the physical film stock itself and some missing persons resources, Cage soon finds himself in the seedy underbelly of Los Angeles. While there he teams up with porn store cashier Joaquin Phoenix. Together, Dick Cage and Porno Boy visit multiple top secret underground porno flea markets and watch pornographic VHS tapes together. Eventually, Cage ends up in a house by the cemetery that is decorated inside with not one, but two Danzig posters.

For an older film, 8MM has aged alright. I originally saw it opening weekend and remember smirking at Cage’s over exaggerated cringes when he first watches the snuff film and the goofy sanitized portrayal of porn.  But, I guess, my handsome brain has chilled out over the decades cuz this time around I found the film to be a solid 6 / 10.

Medium pace, promising mystery plot device that fizzles out, impressive cast, disappointing final act that isn’t even close to being as fucked up as it should have been, drug out ending that goes on for too long, surprisingly very little nudity, incorrect subtitles on the blu-ray, questionable musical choices, a small amount of blood, zero gore, no cheerleaders, a Jane’s Addiction shirt, good acting that sometimes teeters on overacting.

There are many ways that 8MM could have been a better film, but for what it is, it’s an okay time-waster. I double-featured it with PRETTY WOMAN (true story, just in case there's a Las Vegas betting line on what my next review will be), but it’d probably make a better double-feature with A SERBIAN FILM or even season 1 of True Detective.

THE 40 YEAR OLD VIRGIN (2005)

"You're putting the pussy on a pedestal."

Steve Carell is a 40 year-old guy who seems to be perfectly happy with his asexual existence.  He has a nice apartment, tons of neat stuff, tons of free time to spend on his numerous hobbies.  He eats healthy, gets plenty of sleep, exercises daily.  In other words, he's somehow escaped the bullshit belief that you must be in a relationship to be happy.  That is until his co-workers find out that he's a virgin and there's no way in Hell that they are going to allow this obscene display of freedom and happiness to continue.

When you think about it too much THE 40 YEAR OLD VIRGIN almost sounds like a horror movie, but it's actually a comedy and a pretty funny one...as long as you don't think about how much Carell's character is destroying his life.  Steve works at an electronics store and the scenes with his co-workers are the best parts of the movie.  They're a vulgar and unhappy bunch and pretty much everything they say is just a string of cursing.  It's amusing.  The romance scenes later on are lame and depressing.  I don't understand why he had to get married.

THE 40 YEAR OLD VIRGIN's overall story is predictable, but the co-worker characters deliver a lot of laughs.  Not enough to make me forget that Steve traded in his freedom, his personal identity and massive toy collection in exchange for busting nuts with a immature single grandmother!  The toy collection thing really pissed me off.  He's been collecting these things since he was a child and now suddenly just because his co-worker's pressured him into having sex, it somehow snowballs into him getting married and selling off all of his stuff!  Whatever.  This guy's a fucking idiot.

What the filmmakers should do is make a dark as fook Part 2 where it's 10 - 15 years down the road and Steve is at his lawyer's office going over the paperwork to see how much his bank account is going to shrink when he looks over and see's that the divorce lawyer is the guy who bought all of his toys on eBay.  Steve snaps and starts murdering everybody.

If you need me, I'll be in the alligator fuck house.

NSFW screenshots

Why is it Boner Jams 03'?  Shouldn't the ' be before the 03?  Boner Jams '03.

Was this scene a nod to CANDY?  I'm actually serious.  I'm sure I'll never find out, but it's placement in the film and he way it looks is a lot like that scene in CANDY.

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