SPLASH (1984)

Forrest Gump is knocked unconscious when he falls off a boat near Cape Cod and he would have drown if he hadn't been saved by a mermaid (Daryl Hannah) who falls in love with him.  Stuff happens and the mermaid follows him back to New York City.  They hook up (she can somehow magically grow legs when she's out of the water) and then all kinds of "only in the movies" problem arise simply because she refuses to tell him she's a part-time mermaid.  Stuff like a mermaid obsessed scientist (Eugene Levy) stalking them, the government getting involved, her hiding from the rain, him being confused as fuck all the time, etc.  Also, at one point he illegally parks directly in front of a police station and doesn't get murdered by the police.  Totally unbelievable.

This was my first time seeing SPLASH and I'm kinda confused as to why it made so much money in the theaters back in 1984.  It's a okay film, but nothing special.  Yet somehow it made three million more than THE TERMINATOR and THE LAST STARFIGHTER combined!!!  It was the #10 money maker for the year!  I guess it was a good date movie or some of it could be attributed the desperate nerds wanting to wack off to Daryl Hannah's ass. Who knows. I've never been a part of normal human society so maybe something in this film was lost on me.

Mediocre story, average acting, no real laugh out loud moments only a few chuckles, John Candy in a few scenes not doing much, Ron Howard's dad, Ron Howard's brother, cool NYC street scenes including (in the highlight of the movie) an awesome looking theater showing a double-feature of THE EVIL DEAD and XTRO playing right next to a porno theater(?) showing films called THE MISTRESS, SWEET CHEEKS and SKINTIGHT...not even sure if those are real movies.

BACKDRAFT (1991)

New fireman William Baldwin (oh god...I'm already bored) lives in some big shadows.  His father was a legendary firefighter who died in a fire that ended up on the cover of Life Magazine and his older brother (Kurt Russell) is the toughest, manliest firefighter since John Wayne clubbed an oil well fire to death with his penis in HELLFIGHTERS. Even worse...he's been stationed to the same firehouse as his brother.  All kinds of predictable brotherly competition and firefighting ruggedness happens next. There's even a musical montage!

BACKDRAFT is mildly entertaining and actually more fun to laugh at than it is to take serious, but then something interesting happens and we're introduced to a mystery arsonist who's killing people using a technique called "backdraft".  It seems that the fire is somehow held inside a room magically and then when the victim opens the doors the fire backdrafts all up in their shit and punches them like 50 feet through the air.  It also makes a howling noise like a dragon having sex with an iceberg.  Fire investigator Robert De Niro is sent in to investigate the murders...and that's the best part of the movie.  While De Niro was onscreen, rambling about how fire is an actual living thing I was totally into it.  It was silly as fook, but still compelling.  His scenes with firebug Donald Sutherland were the highlight of the film.  Unfortunately though, these scenes only make up a small portion of the film.

Overall, BACKDRAFT is very dated, the story is in dire need of a re-write, the special effects are alright, the firefighting scenes are unbelievable, the entire thing looks like a movie, the acting by the impressive cast (not Baldwin) was above average (...I especially liked Sutherland.  He was doing some serious Hannibal Lecter from THE SILENCE OF THE LAMBS channeling).

Not the greatest thing I've even seen, but it was an interesting ride and a fun look back at early 90's big studio action/dramas.  We also get to see the guy from IRON EAGLE's pubes!!!

Update: Just watched the 2006 DVD release of the film and I noticed that the dude from IRON EAGLE's pubes are now missing! Weird, huh?

Part 2 - Backdraft II (2019)