THE CAR (1977)

One day, for no known reason, a mysterious all-black car starts murdering people around the small desert town of Santa Ynez. The local authorities are useless and never call for outside help even after six of their own police officers are killed. Oh yeah, did I mention that the car doesn’t have a driver and it can drive through houses and tumble all over the joint and rev its engine a lot? Well, it can.

I first saw THE CAR when it aired on NBC on Saturday, November 22, 1980. My itty-bitty stupid child brain thought THE CAR was wicked as fuck and come Monday we were all standing around the school playground saying stuff like “The Car is wicked as fuck!” and “When Knight Rider shows up in two years, The Car is gonna kick K.I.T.T. in his N.U.T.T.Z.!” and “I wish The Car would kill me and my entire family! Yeah!” You know, normal childhood banter.

But…is THE CAR still entertaining today? Ehhh, the first two acts are fairly entertaining, I really did enjoy watching the car taking people out and then honking like a maniac, but the last act is a goddamn snoozer!

Amusing idea (even if it’s just a rip-off of JAWS), cool-looking devil whip, okay acting, pretty desert town locations, incorrect subtitles on the blu-ray and the DVD (see below), weak direction, even weaker script, solid cast, a police car falling one foot and exploding. Overall, THE CAR is an interesting film that made a pretty big impact on (movie-loving) children of a certain age. And even if I find the film to be weak nowadays, I’m still a fan of it and don’t understand why there wasn’t more done with this idea. I wish somebody had made more Car films back in the 1980’s.

If you’ve never seen THE CAR, then it’s definitely worth checking out. Double-feature with the Futurama episode "The Honking".

[Bonus newspaper clip talking shit about THE CAR. I actually remember also watching THE BERMUDA TRIANGLE after THE CAR.]

She clearly say "Cat poo!, not "Tadpole!" Even worse, this subtitle is incorrect on the DVD also. So like nobody checks this shit? Or they just don't give a fuck?

A FORCE OF ONE (1979)

Two cops illegally break into a sporting goods store, where they are ruthlessly murdered by a “karate weirdo”. The police respond by enlisting the help of local karate champion Chuck Norris to train them in the fine art of kicking and punching things. He’s reluctant to help them though, since he’s busy training for an upcoming championship bout against the only other martial artist in the area capable of giving Chuck a run for his money. Hum, that’s interesting…people keep getting beat to death in karate ways and there’s only two people in town capable of that level of karate violence. Wonder who the killer could be?

As far as Chuck Norris’ early period films go, A FORCE OF ONE is about as lame and anti-exciting as the others. (Although I am somewhat fond of SILENT RAGE since it’s kinda like a slasher movies.) Slow pace, zero awesome fight scenes, weird editing, lots of overacting extras in the background, mid-level acting. Then add onto that: zero nudity, zero blood, zero gore, zero cussing and A FORCE OF ONE might as well had been a made-for-TV movie! The only thing that might be interesting for modern day movie nerds is the few, random vintage street scenes (I would love to know the name of that movie theater playing LASERBLAST, MESSAGE FROM SPACE and HIGH VELOCITY!) and the supporting cast, which features various familiar faces like Clu Gulager, James Whitmore Jr., Ron O’Neal, Jennifer O’Neill and G.W. Bailey.

Also, I don't understand the movie tagline that's featured on the poster and newspaper ads: "He hears the silence. He sees the darkness. He's the only one who can stop the killing." He must also be the only one who knows what the fuck that even means. Cuz there's nothing supernatural or overly special about Chuck's character, he's just a dude who runs a karate school. So why, on the poster, is he all naked in a glowing outer space triangle while giving double, below the waist "circle game" gang signs?

Worth a watch if you're curious and bored to death.

Oh yeah, what was the story with the woman who worked at Chuck's mojo dojo karate dojo? I didn't understand their relationship at all.

[This has nothing to do with the review, just a bonus SILENT RAGE newspaper ad featuring the art for A FORCE OF ONE.]