THE OUTER SPACE CONNECTION (1975)

Distributed by the same company that brought us the awesome IN SEARCH OF NOAH’S ARK, I had high hopes that THE OUTER SPACE CONNECTION was gonna be more of the same kinda goofy fun. The opening narration, by The Twilight Zone’s Rod Serling, even promises that “This may be the most startling and controversial film you will ever see.” Hell yeah, that sounds good to me! Nope.

Who knows, maybe THE OUTER SPACE CONNECTION was shocking to audiences back in 1975, but now in good old 39,955 (sorry, I mean 2025…sometimes I forget that I time-blog back to 21st Century, Old Earth) this kind of stuff is just weak. Plants have auras, The Dead Sea Scrolls, mummies, ancient lines dug into the earth, the Bermuda Triangle, ancient sculptures and so on. We’ve all heard about this stuff a thousand times before. The only truly interesting thing in THE OUTER SPACE CONNECTION is the announcement that aliens are going to return to Earth on December 24th, 2011. So, make sure to mark your calendars for that, I guess.

It's my own fault, but I honestly thought this movie was going to be about the history of unidentified flying objects and alien abductions. Instead, I got a depressing video of a monkey that’s trained to ask a computer for a slice of apple. Humans suck. That segment just broke my heart.

Watch it if you want, but I found the entire thing to be disappointing and depressing.

COLD TURKEY (1971)

A large cigarette company, looking for some positive publicity, offers 25 million (tax-free) dollars to any town that can have all of its citizens stop smoking for 30 days. The only town to get 100% of its citizens to agree to the challenge, thanks to local preacher Dick Van Dyke, is Eagle Rock, Iowa, population: 4,006.

After a slow start (it’s nearly halfway through the movie before the contest even begins!), things pick up when the nicotine withdraws kick in and everybody starts acting like The Purge is popping off. That short segment was actually funny, minus the dog kicking joke, but the rest of the movie is pure meh. Which probably explains why the movie was filmed in 1969 and not released until 1971.

As it is, COLD TURKEY is amusing enough to keep the viewer engaged, but just barely. A lot of the staying power for me was the impressive supporting cast. It was like a who's who of comedic actors from that era. Sadly though none of it was actually funny, but watching Jean Stapleton sneeze over and over did make me smirk at the absurdity of it.

Vintage fashions, promising story idea that goes nowhere, vintage cars, good acting, a few humorous moments, zero nudity, zero feminist punk bands, zero cheerleaders, illogical contest with nobody really policing the contestants, terrible song over the boring opening credits, depressing ending. Also, for some odd reason, the town square scenes made me daydream about the town square scenes in SILVER BULLET.

I feel like I should say more about the movie, but it was just kind of a nothing movie. Great idea, but poor execution. Somebody could easily make a superior remake. Hell, I think the dullness of it has carried over onto me. This is probably the lamest review I've written in years. If you're looking a good review check out AMERICAN ANTHEM. That was a Happyotter classic! I also like how my update was longer than the review itself. Hahaha. Fucking stupid.

One thing I did find interesting was the shot of Dick Van Dyke walking down the sidewalk when suddenly it cuts to slow-motion and a group of children go running by while wearing Dick Van Dyke masks. The whole thing reminded me of Chris Cunningham's masterpiece video for Aphex Twin's “Come to Daddy” made nearly 30 years later.