Tuesday, August 13, 2019


"Let's burn down a fucking church, huh?"

In the mid-80's, some young friends started a band.  A metal band.  By 1993, the singer had committed suicide, the bassist had stabbed the guitarist to death and a whole bunch of churches had been lit on fire.

The real, true story of the early days of Mayhem is absolutely fascinating and one that I've been wanting to see onscreen for ages.  Unfortunately, LORDS OF CHAOS (while it is entertaining) is a bizarre and needlessly fictionalized version of the story.  I'm kind of torn on the whole thing: on one hand...I'm disappointing in how light-weight the story was.  On the other hand...the acting is pretty damn good.  I especially liked Rory Culkin as Euronymous.

Completely fictionalized girlfriend; inaccuracies non-stop; awesome metal shirts, posters, flyers and album covers; very little blood; shoehorned topless scene that was pointless; steady pace; DEAD ALIVE and EVIL DEAD on TV; above average acting and most surprisingly: no badass scenes that absolutely rocked!  You would think with a movie that is literally about metal that there would be multiple scenes of badass rocking, but nope.  The little metal there was was not presented in a bad ass way at all.  I was very disappointed.  Hell, the hot-rod van/"Master of Puppets" scene in OLD SCHOOL rocked my eyeballs harder than anything in this movie did.

LORDS OF CHAOS is an entertaining movie, but I think the story of Dead, Euronymous and Count Grishnackh would have been better told in a Larry Clark KIDS-style and with waaaay more rocking.  If you need me, I'll be in my room listening to "Live in Leipzig".

Monday, August 5, 2019

SHANE (1953)

"From now on, when we fight with them, the air is going to be filled with gunsmoke."

Wyoming, sometime after the American Civil War.  A cattle baron, Rufus Ryker (Emile Meyer), isn't happy with the smaller farms and ranches popping up on "his" land.  When the film opens, Shane (Alan Ladd), a gunfighter with a mysterious past (it's almost like he's an ex-gunfighter), is riding his horse past the homestead of one of the new farmers, Van Heflin and wife Jean Arthur.  They talk a little and as Fate would have it, right as he's about to leave...the cattle baron and his men show up and start talking mad shit.  Shane don't take too kindly to them flapping their lips, talkin' shit, so he sticks around as Helfin's peaceful farmhand.  The "peaceful" part last about a week, cause when they ride into town to get some supplies, some of Ryker's men start talkin' shit yet again!  Shane fisticuffs all up in their grills.  After that, Ryker hires a gunslinger (Jack Palance) to take care of things.     

I've seen SHANE a few times over the years and each time I enjoy it.  Strong cast, beautiful camerawork, steady pace...but is it really worthy of all of the extreme praise that it gets?  I, personally, don't think so.  Then again, I find kids in movies to usually be annoying as fuck and the kid in this movie is no exception.  Oh my God, I was hoping a horse would fall on him or something.  The whole movie: "Shaaaaannnneeeee!" over and over.  Vomit.  The scenes without the kid are much better though.  I especially enjoyed Elisha Cook Jr. and Jack Palance.

Not the greatest western ever, but definitely an above average one that deserves to be seen.  Especially by fans of classic westerns.  If you need me, I'll be in my room watching RIO BRAVO.