8MM (1999)

Private dick Nicholas Cage is hired by a wealthy widow to discover the origin of a seemingly one-of-a-kind snuff film she found in her recently deceased husband’s private safe. Following the lead of the physical film stock itself and some missing persons resources, Cage soon finds himself in the seedy underbelly of Los Angeles. While there he teams up with porn store cashier Joaquin Phoenix. Together, Dick Cage and Porno Boy visit multiple top secret underground porno flea markets and watch pornographic VHS tapes together. Eventually, Cage ends up in a house by the cemetery that is decorated inside with not one, but two Danzig posters.

For an older film, 8MM has aged alright. I originally saw it opening weekend and remember smirking at Cage’s over exaggerated cringes when he first watches the snuff film and the goofy sanitized portrayal of porn.  But, I guess, my handsome brain has chilled out over the decades cuz this time around I found the film to be a solid 6 / 10.

Medium pace, promising mystery plot device that fizzles out, impressive cast, disappointing final act that isn’t even close to being as fucked up as it should have been, drug out ending that goes on for too long, surprisingly very little nudity, incorrect subtitles on the blu-ray, questionable musical choices, a small amount of blood, zero gore, no cheerleaders, a Jane’s Addiction shirt, good acting that sometimes teeters on overacting.

There are many ways that 8MM could have been a better film, but for what it is, it’s an okay time-waster. I double-featured it with PRETTY WOMAN (true story, just in case there's a Las Vegas betting line on what my next review will be), but it’d probably make a better double-feature with A SERBIAN FILM or even season 1 of True Detective.

PAIN & GAIN (2013)

Very loosely based on actual events that happened back in mid-90's Miami, PAIN & GAIN tells the story of three addle-minded bodybuilders (of which only one actually has a ripped body) who come up with an absurd plan to kidnap a local businessman and torture him until he signs over all of his wealth.  That part works, kinda, but since all three of these idiots are morons they quickly blow through all of the money on women, coke and material bullshit.

How much you like PAIN & GAIN will depend a lot on your sense of humor.  If you're a card carrying member of the No Fun Club then you'll probably dislike it, but if you're open-minded and look at it like it's a really dark comedy then I think you'll get a kick out it.  It's flashy, crude, violent and a fun watch.  My biggest surprise came from how much I enjoyed Dwayne Johnson.  Dude plays a Jesus lover, but once he gets his hands on a pile of cash his true colors come out and he's coked to the gills and drowning in pussy!  His performance stole the whole movie.

And yes I know it's not even close to being historically accurate, but I don't give a fuck.  It's Michael fucking Bay.  The same guy who shit, pissed, vomited, farted, jizzed and rubbed his boogers all over the FRIDAY THE 13TH, A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET and TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE franchises for a quick buck, so what do you expect?

Super quick pace, ton of laughs, Dexter's apartment, Bar Paly looking hot as fook, The Rock looking big as fuck, Marky Mark looking all swole, lots of bright colors.  Check it out.