Friday, August 30, 2013
FRIDAY THE 13TH (2009)
When I sat down to watch this I figured it was going to piss me off, but luckily it was too soulless to anger me. Instead of getting upset I just kinda sat there in a daze wondering how much time it must have taken Jason to dig all of those tunnels and then wire them with electricity and booby traps.
Forgettable kills, Jason looks stupid, Danielle Panabaker looking hot, zero gore, very little blood, bonerless tits, Jason the electrician, lens flares, annoying dialogue, binge drinking, weed. Better than that JASON GOES TO HELL, but it's still a weak cash grab. Skip it.
Part 1 - Friday the 13th (1980)
Part 2 - Friday the 13th Part 2 (1981)
Part 3 - Friday the 13th Part III (1982)
Part 4 - Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter (1984)
Part 5 - Friday the 13th: A New Beginning (1985)
Part 6 - Friday the 13th Part VI: Jason Lives (1986)
Part 7 - Friday the 13th Part VII: The New Blood (1988)
Part 8 - Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan (1989)
Part 9 - The Final Friday: Jason Goes to Hell (1993)
Part 10 - Jason X (2001)
Freddy vs Jason (2003)
EVERY GIRL SHOULD BE MARRIED (1948)
I guess the writers found all of this to be very funny (and maybe I'm looking into the story too much) but I found the whole thing depressing. Poor Grant can't have a moments peace and Betsy, who is clearly mentally deranged, repeatedly places herself in dangerous situations in delusional attempts to get Grant's attention. If the roles had been reversed and it was a male stalking a female all over the joint he would have been thrown in jail.
Watch if you want, but if want my advise: skip it. If you need me I'll be in my room watching BRINGING UP BABY.
Thursday, August 29, 2013
AMERICA 3000 (1986)
Nine-hundred years after all out nuclear war, Colorado is just a burnt out desert populated by a bunch of cavemen-like dudes and cavewomen-like chicks who hate each other and are constantly having little skirmishes. Boring skirmishes. One day a cavemen falls in a hole and discovers an old fallout shelter full of crap like guns, a gold suit and a ancient boombox. Further fighting happens until the two factions discover that they should be making love not war and suddenly everybody throws downs their weapons and starts making out. The End. So that's it huh? Just sudden peace? What about the eunuchs or the really ugly or that monster creature dude? The population is just so perfectly aligned that everybody is now in a happy relationship?
What a crap movie. The story is so bare that they had to utilize a narrator to keep things together. Everybody talks in some silly future language with phrases like "That's fan-plastic!" and "Plugart’s got neggie smarts for tricken no-one!" There's no cars so that means no awesome Mad Max-style car chases. Low-budget sets that look like garbage.
Not annoyingly bad, just boring. I can't imagine that any adult seeing this for the first time would enjoy it.
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