THE 40 YEAR OLD VIRGIN (2005)

"You're putting the pussy on a pedestal."

Steve Carell is a 40 year-old guy who seems to be perfectly happy with his asexual existence.  He has a nice apartment, tons of neat stuff, tons of free time to spend on his numerous hobbies.  He eats healthy, gets plenty of sleep, exercises daily.  In other words, he's somehow escaped the bullshit belief that you must be in a relationship to be happy.  That is until his co-workers find out that he's a virgin and there's no way in Hell that they are going to allow this obscene display of freedom and happiness to continue.

When you think about it too much THE 40 YEAR OLD VIRGIN almost sounds like a horror movie, but it's actually a comedy and a pretty funny one...as long as you don't think about how much Carell's character is destroying his life.  Steve works at an electronics store and the scenes with his co-workers are the best parts of the movie.  They're a vulgar and unhappy bunch and pretty much everything they say is just a string of cursing.  It's amusing.  The romance scenes later on are lame and depressing.  I don't understand why he had to get married.

THE 40 YEAR OLD VIRGIN's overall story is predictable, but the co-worker characters deliver a lot of laughs.  Not enough to make me forget that Steve traded in his freedom, his personal identity and massive toy collection in exchange for busting nuts with a immature single grandmother!  The toy collection thing really pissed me off.  He's been collecting these things since he was a child and now suddenly just because his co-worker's pressured him into having sex, it somehow snowballs into him getting married and selling off all of his stuff!  Whatever.  This guy's a fucking idiot.

What the filmmakers should do is make a dark as fook Part 2 where it's 10 - 15 years down the road and Steve is at his lawyer's office going over the paperwork to see how much his bank account is going to shrink when he looks over and see's that the divorce lawyer is the guy who bought all of his toys on eBay.  Steve snaps and starts murdering everybody.

If you need me, I'll be in the alligator fuck house.

NSFW screenshots

Why is it Boner Jams 03'?  Shouldn't the ' be before the 03?  Boner Jams '03.

Was this scene a nod to CANDY?  I'm actually serious.  I'm sure I'll never find out, but it's placement in the film and he way it looks is a lot like that scene in CANDY.

This calendar only has 6-day weeks.

MAN ON A LEDGE (2012)

Ex-copper Sam Worthington got fucked over by a super rich douchebag (played wonderfully by Ed Harris). He gets the shit beat out of him then sent to prison for supposedly stealing a rare diamond from Harris. After Sam's daring escape, he climbs out on the twenty-first story ledge of a building and just stands there. Why?

If Hitchcock was still alive (he'd probably dropkick M. Night Shyamalan in the face), but also I think he would enjoy MAN ON A LEDGE. There's plenty of action, the story is well laid out and it kinda has that Hitchcock feel to it, you got a hero to root for, the pace is excellent, it looks really nice and Genesis Rodriguez's body is incredible! Makes you wanna stand up and beg for buttermilk!

I liked MOAL quite a bit. When I rented it I didn't know what to expect, but it was a fun ride. I'm not sure about the rewatch value but it's worth a watch for sure. Make sure to check out the Special Features to see how they filmed it. Pretty impressive.

THE NEXT THREE DAYS (2010)

[Update 03/09/2021: Need to redo this review completely. Fix the screenshots also.]

Simple everyday man Russell Crowe has his world rocked when his wife (Elizabeth Banks) is suddenly arrested and thrown in jail for murder. He cries and whimpers some, but when the last legal effort has been denied Russell puts on his biggest, baddest big girl panties and decides he's going to break her out of jail himself!

That's an interesting idea for a movie and for the most part it works, I was entertained, but I wish it had just been darker! There was a short moment (when he was getting money for his plan) that was dark and it was easily the best part of the movie. Another thing that bothered me is there were multiple rock montages. What is this a ROCKY movie? Also, the escape was way too easy. There wasn't any traffic on the roads. I'll run into more difficulty returning this DVD to the fucking video store than he did escaping the city with the police hot on his tail.

Those things aside, I enjoyed the movie. It wasn't anything special and a month from now I will have forgotten most of it, but it was a good lazy afternoon time-waster.